Saturday, February 5, 2011

Bizarro Day Quiz

I need a little help here. Can anyone make sense of today's matches for me? 41 goals scored. 7 penalties given. Arsenal shits themselves and give up a 4-0 half time lead to draw at Newcastle. Yes, Newcastle. Toothless Carrolless Newcastle. Wigan scored 4 goals and Blackburn scored 3 the same game! Louis Saha blacked out and put in 4. Jason Puncheon scored today for Blackpool. Who the fuck is Jason Puncheon?

I was thinking Man U would come out in the late game and restore some sense of normalcy against Wolves, and Nani's early strike seemed to point to that eventuality...and then George Elokobi scored...and then Kevin Doyle scored...and then Manchester United ran out of ideas going the 70th minute?! Ryan Giggs lost his cool, kicked a guy, and then shoved another. Ryan Giggs is like the Fonz. He never loses his cool.

I'm at a loss. Can't explain it. Dear reader, please take the below quiz and let me know your thoughts. Lord knows my brain is not coming up with answers any time soon.

Questions for the reader:

1. Which is more bizarre:

A. The ridiculous number of goals scored today.

B. United and Arsenal choke.

C. United and Arsenal choke to Wolves and Newcastle.

D. Seven penalties.

2. Why does Louis Saha do this to Everton fans? And by "this" I mean spend most of the time injured and/or disinterested and then go ape shit for about 5 matches and look like a world beater.

A. He's French.

B. He's like Sampson with the hair thing. The more ridiculous, the better he plays.

C. Let's be real, it was against Blackpool.

D. He has a goal quota for the year that he has to squeeze in to the games in which he is not injured and/or disinterested.

3. More surprising single match goals total:

A. 8 goals in Arsenal v. Newcastle.

B. 7 goals in Wigan v. Blackburn.

Spoiler: The answer here is clearly B. Wigan couldn't score 4 times with one of Wayne Rooney's prostitutes and do Blackburn have any legitimate forwards not named Santa Cruz? Still, feel free to answer the question in the comments section. Just know that A is the incorrect answer.

4. Did Carlos Tevez solidify his claim to Player of the Year today?

A. No, it was against West Brom.

B. No, he could have done more and two of the goals were PKs.

C. Yes, did you not see that little cut back in the box?

D. Fuck Man City.

5. Which was the better goal?

A. Tevez's cut back in the box and smooth finish.

B. Cheik Tiote's wicked full volley from 30 yards to tie the match against Arsenal.

Bonus Question:

Which player's hairstyle more closely resembles that of a 70s male porn star:

A. Jonas Gutierrez.

B. Marouane Fellaini.

Please leave your answers to the Bizarro Day Quiz in the comments section. I'll announce the winner next week!


  1. 1) A - that's a lot of goals no matter how you look at it. United and Arsenal always have a few flubs, especially against weak teams. The only "bizarre" aspect is that they occurred on the same day.

    2) D - He did this at ManU too. Drogba is what Saha was supposed to be. Instead, he's just a French Sicknote. Great player on his day, though.

    3) B - But only by a little. Yes, neither squad has much of a scoring record... but neither do they have quality defenses. This was a perfect storm. Some decent goals, too.

    4) A - Tempting as D is, I'll go with A. He has been marvelous, though. Certainly is in the running. City's final position will have a lot of influence over whether he is anointed or not.

    5) B - Tevez's move was indeed slick, but we've also come to expect that level from him. Tiote's goal was both beautiful and timely.

    Bonus: A - Fellaini looks like he should be wearing an ABA uniform and spinning the old red, white, and blue ball on his finger. He's 6'5"; 6'9" with the afro ;)

  2. Bonus: A. Echo everything "He Said - She Said" said, but with Fellaini in platform tennis shoes. ('70s right?)

    (5) B - Tiote.
    (4) A.
    (3) A. Mostly for the first half/second half scoring split - increible.
    (2) A/D. (Trick question: A and D are the same answer.)
    (1) A. Re: B, gotta love this game -- play on. As for C, my favorite ex-bad boy is proving it on the field, and I'm loving Newcastle for it. Hah!