tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18329485426912787962024-02-20T15:03:12.307-05:00Grass in the SkyAnalysis and insightful commentary on the world of international football, this is not. The kinds of things you go on about after a few pints watching the match, this is.Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-58927533129166085512013-08-16T18:12:00.000-04:002013-08-16T20:57:41.594-04:002013/14 Premier League Preview<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGrD8m8e7mOckAbMtPKF6D_Ok4yjS3GTPOSbLTRD1NQsNCTc2ymDqXgHDpVid8NPPkBcok_kL1MZCWjDC-tHMeIpsTOWH1zAvvTtutqdhm563Jlqu3GYYE73A4RMYUzzcQR6Lnx9z8vdI/s1600/A2631.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGrD8m8e7mOckAbMtPKF6D_Ok4yjS3GTPOSbLTRD1NQsNCTc2ymDqXgHDpVid8NPPkBcok_kL1MZCWjDC-tHMeIpsTOWH1zAvvTtutqdhm563Jlqu3GYYE73A4RMYUzzcQR6Lnx9z8vdI/s400/A2631.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I'm late to the party on this one having spent the week chasing down a living, writing for other outlets that have *gasp!* deadlines, and trying desperately to divine what exactly is going to happen in the Premier League this season.<br />
<br />
Direct deposit hit the bank on Tuesday.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/cottagersconfidential.com">Cottagers Confidential</a> has its posts.<br />
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I have absolutely no idea.<br />
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Two out of three ain't bad?<br />
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To compound my inability to make sense of all the managerial ins and outs, player comings and goings, and run-of-the-mill transfer window intrigues, I recently finished reading a very good, very thorough book by Chris Anderson and David Sally called <i>The Numbers Game</i>. If you haven't read it, definitely pick it up. It's an engaging read and supports, argues, and distills further some of the arguments presented by Simon Kuper and Stefan Szymanski in <i>Soccernomics. </i><br />
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<i></i>It's all regressions and standard deviations and valuations and various other permutations of that mythical language some call "math", but what hit me like a ton of bricks is Anderson and Sally's argument that soccer, even at the highest level, in any given match, is basically 50% chance. They cite something called the Poisson distribution and go on about Prussian horses, all of which is very interesting and informative, but did nothing to re-inflate me after learning that picking a winner in a top flight match is little more than a coin flip. How on earth can anyone pick a champion before any of the 38 matches in a team's season have been played? Before the summer transfer window has closed? Before the winter transfer window has even opened? Before Ryan Shawcross has caused a compound tib/fib fracture of your team's star striker? Before Luis Suarez has bitten someone else, someone who might be playing in another league <i>as we speak </i>because remember that thing I just wrote about the transfer windows and their closing and opening?!<br />
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Basically, anyone who predicts with confidence what will happen in the Premier League this season, and anyone who ridicules you for your predictions, is full of shit. That won't stop me from gloating though if I get it right. On to the predictions!<br />
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As I've said before, the Premier League is a contest to get into the top four spots and avoid the bottom three. Everything else is just window dressing. You can name your best friends and your worst enemies, but most people you know fall somewhere in between. If you're arguing, for example, whether West Ham will finish 14th or 15th, you're wasting your time. 50% chance is probably the difference between 17th and 5th.<br />
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My top four:<br />
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1. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Chelsea </u></span>- This is actually a pretty popular pick. Jose Mourinho, the Prodigal Son, has returned to Daddy Roman's loving fold more tempered, savvy, and insightful after years abroad and a little bit of humble pie served up courtesy of Iker Casillas and Sergio Ramos. He's new - but not really - and he's inheriting an expensively assembled side of world class soccer players who seem a good mix of young and old.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu3mgLy4i13Q3vb-ED_2wWv01sm9-VnbZPV7YYz5BM-pJFuiHnnByd6enmn6pNlp161bqWYmCeeI-wwxx_ffcgaDpGbfiul8hh7FtJqOB7vx0B6o18JhL23n2XUEGTM3_UK4TJsHbr-Eo/s1600/jose_mourinho_1773090b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu3mgLy4i13Q3vb-ED_2wWv01sm9-VnbZPV7YYz5BM-pJFuiHnnByd6enmn6pNlp161bqWYmCeeI-wwxx_ffcgaDpGbfiul8hh7FtJqOB7vx0B6o18JhL23n2XUEGTM3_UK4TJsHbr-Eo/s320/jose_mourinho_1773090b.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"To win Premier League second first time of asking would be...fantastic."</td></tr>
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My one concern, were I a Chelsea supporter, is who is chosen to lead the line. In the preseason, Mourinho often opted to use a 4-2-3-1 formation with a lone striker making runs to the corners while Victor Moses, Eden Hazard, Oscar, and Juan Mata cut toward the center of the opposition's defense. The "1" in this system is currently a three way competition between Demba Ba, Fernando Torres, and Romelu Lukaku.<br />
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Not being sentimental, I think Mourinho would like to throw Lukaku in feet first, but Torres has cost previous managers their jobs and Abramovich may still be clinging to the illusion that he can squeeze some sort of value out of the ludicrous fee he paid for Torres in 2011.<br />
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I have to think Roman has learned his lesson and that Mourinho wouldn't be back unless an understanding had been reached between he and the Chelsea owner. With a dominant central striker; the plethora of attacking talent Chelsea has in midfield; strong holding midfielders; a steely back line; and the helmeted hero in goal, I think Chelsea could be poised to bring the trophy back to Stamford Bridge.<br />
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2. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Manchester City </u></span>- One of the other tenets of <i>The Numbers Game </i>is that he who spends wins. Sheikh Mansour has certainly spent and with the arrivals of Stevan Jovetic, Alvaro Negredo, Fernandinho, and Jesus Navas, that trend is clearly continuing apace. I literally cannot fathom having the options Manuel Pellegrini has when writing names on the team sheet and that sort of depth of quality has to produce enough wins for second, doesn't it? Doesn't it?!<br />
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Pellegrini is much more low key than Roberto Mancini is and the deflection of attention off the sideline and onto the pitch may actually benefit Manchester City's menagerie of Goldfingers. I put City at second mostly because Pellegrini is new and has admitted he will need to adjust to the Premier League game. Also, I have a visceral reaction to so much expensively assembled talent. Also, also, Human Rights Watch just released a report suggesting that the Sheikh Mansour is using Manchester City's positive brand equity to draw attention away from the human rights abuses his government perpetrates in the United Arab Emirates. So there's that.<br />
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3. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Manchester United</u></span> - No one wants to be the guy who follows a legend. You want to be the guy who follows the guy who follows the legend. David Moyes apparently did not get this memo and I can't see anything but a rough season ahead for the Red Devils' new manager.<br />
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With the caveat that there are 1 1/4 transfer windows still to go, United have only made one marquee signing in Wilfried Zaha and are, frankly, embarrassing themselves with their continued pursuit of Cesc Fabregas. Moyes appears desperate to sign a creative tux-wearer in midfield and to do so in the sort of flamboyant style that gets the collective Old Trafford heart all aflutter. But his continued failure to do so is raising alarm bells and distracting Moyes from the very real possibility that said creative tux-wearer is already in the side in the form of Shinji Kagawa. C'mon Moyes, act like you've been here before! A little confidence, imperturbability, and je ne sais quoi go a long way.<br />
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Additionally, there's the inconvenient fact that Wayne Rooney wants out in the worst way and would seemingly <i>love</i> to find himself in the jersey of one of United's worst rivals. I can't see this situation resolving itself until Rooney has been shown the door. In other words, don't expect much of him in a United jersey at all this campaign. How many of Robin Van Persie's goals came from Rooney directly? Or even indirectly by runs Rooney made to create space? Losing your talisman, even with an heir apparent banging 'em in like it's going out of style, is no small thing.<br />
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Anything less than the league trophy is a disappointment for United fans. This isn't the composed we're-taking-Van Persie-from-Arsenal-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it United of last year's vintage. This is the make-eyes-at-and-get-rejected-by-Fabregas-while-Rooney-throws-a-tantrum-and-Moyes-complains-about-the-fixture-list-because-that's-what-Ferguson-would-have-done-but-it-doesn't-come-off-as-ornery-just-pathetic-because-Moyes-Isn't-Ferguson United.<br />
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Jesus, I'm going to have to get used to using the space bar again.<br />
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4. <u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Arsenal</span></u> - I desperately want this to be the year Arsenal finishes outside the top four and everyone finally realizes - and by "everyone" I mean Arsenal supporters - that Arsene Wenger has run his course. However, with the ongoing sagas surrounding Gareth Bale and Luis Suarez and the fact that Arsenal may still pull off one of these huge money deals they finally seem willing to make, I can't quite see them disintegrating and crashing in a glorious puffy coated, referee blaming, pass for passing's sake blaze of glory, although it would be delicious fun to watch. I'd pop popcorn and invite friends over.<br />
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Arsenal actually find themselves in arguably the most stable situation of any of the big name sides and there's still the possibility that a game-changing, big money signing may darken the door at the Emirates. Regardless, I see Arsenal going apeshit for 4th once again. God love 'em.<br />
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On to the relegation frontrunners!<br />
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It seems absurd to list them 18th through 20th because they're all going to wind up in the same place. But so does your food, and I'm not one to mix my beef tenderloin, kale salad, malbec, and chocolate tartufo in a blender and chug it. Let's be civilized, for crying out loud.<br />
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18. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Hull </u></span>- I just don't see it happening. Even though Steve Bruce's side have recently signed poor man's Moussa Dembele, Tom Huddelstone and have added the likes of Danny Graham and Maynor Figueroa, I don't think it's going to be enough to keep the Tigers in the Premier League, regardless of whether or not the league eventually relents and allows them to call themselves "The Tigers". Relegated means relegated even if you pronounce it "Tigers". Steve Bruce to be sacked in a panic firing around about the same time Ian Holloway loses his job. And speaking of Ian Holloway...<br />
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19. <u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Crystal Palace</span></u> - Palace rode Wilfried Zaha all the way to the Premier League and they'll ride his absence all the way to the League Championship. In the meantime, Ian Holloway, ladies and gentlemen! Enjoy him while he lasts.<br />
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20. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Stoke City</u></span> - As an American, I feel I'm contractually obligated to like Stoke, but as a fan of the Beautiful Game, they make me want to gouge my eyes out Oedipus Rex style.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHy3dsDHovzaM7kIQaiOXaGGcXtABFiuu-j9n6LtGYdHYLdonwupVQREZ3VRQ577IUQ886IJkPyDnJLGBdXjdCK7tRko85QjwCmab-LEuDdhTZI0B4ONl5jU1H64iCY1ZDpy11hMdQ8rU/s1600/midas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHy3dsDHovzaM7kIQaiOXaGGcXtABFiuu-j9n6LtGYdHYLdonwupVQREZ3VRQ577IUQ886IJkPyDnJLGBdXjdCK7tRko85QjwCmab-LEuDdhTZI0B4ONl5jU1H64iCY1ZDpy11hMdQ8rU/s320/midas.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mark Hughes: Like this, but instead of gold, imagine poo.</td></tr>
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Speaking of mythology, let's talk about Midas's lesser known brother, Mark Hughes. Everything Midas touched turned to gold and he eventually became so miserable, alone, thirsty, and hungry that he begged Dionysus to take the golden touch away. Everything Mark Hughes touches turns into a steaming mound of excrement and he's eventually fired for turning something that was once at least functional into a steaming mound of excrement.<br />
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Some would say Stoke City already are that so maybe the Mark Hughes touch will work in reverse. All I've seen so far is a protracted flirtation with Mame Biram Diouf that ended in rejection. Yes, that Mame Biram Diouf.<br />
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<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></u></b>
<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></u></b>
<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Dark horse table climber</span></u></b>:<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Swansea City</u></span> - Look out for Michael Laudrup's side this season. The Wales club is quietly enjoying an unparalleled succession of managers with essentially the same soccer philosophy and are becoming eponymous with passing, fluid, attractive soccer. Laudrup has enhanced his League Cup winning side with the signings of Jordi Amat, Alejandro Pozuelo, Jonjo Shelvey, and Wilfried Bony. If he can make it through the remaining transfer tomfoolery with Ashley Williams still in all white, Swansea could be in Europe next season.<br />
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<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Dark horse table plunger</span></u></b>: <br />
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Until about twenty four hours ago, I had Fulham in this unenviable position. With the signing of Darren Bent and more signings promised (please, please, please make this true). I can't see the Cottagers slipping into a relegation scrap. This leaves me flummoxed and admittedly without a clear answer. If I had to pick, I'd say <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Norwich</u></span> because, you know...canaries, but I could also see <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Cardiff </u></span>dipping into the bottom three to make it a perfect three for three yoyo act. Or at least a two and Mark Hughes. Could be a good name for a drink?<br />
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<u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b>Breakout Performers</b></span></u>: <br />
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<u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Kevin Mirallas </span></u>- The kid was on fire at the end of last season and showed no signs of slowing down in the friendlies leading up to this season. With Roberto Martinez at the helm at Everton, Mirallas could benefit from the sort slick passing and dynamic movement the Spaniard preaches.<br />
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<u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Coutinho</span></u> - He was very bright last season but was often overshadowed by Luis Suarez's brilliance and Luis Suarez's insanity. He as the technical ability, pace, and creativity to make headlines on Merseyside if he doesn't get too wrapped up in a competition to make the KOP forget about Suarez.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Daniel Sturridge</u></span> - See above.<br />
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<u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Jozy Altidore</span></u> - Anyone who's watched the US play recently knows that the kid is playing like a house on fire. He'll be anxious to prove that his time with Hull was the fluke rather than his time with AZ Alkmaar.<br />
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There are certainly more, but if you name everyone it's sort of cheating, isn't it? Also, how many words is this now? If you've made it this far, thank you and go buy yourself a beer for which I will pay you back should our paths ever cross.<br />
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For now, good night to all and to all a good night! One more sleep until Premier League Day.<br />
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<br />Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-67753738462199468992013-06-18T20:06:00.001-04:002013-06-18T23:21:27.960-04:00Live Blog: Yanks v Catrachos Well, we're back at it again for the USMNT's World Cup qualifier v Honduras. I'm getting warmed up with a few Kalibers (it's a school night) and am trying to find some salve some balm some soothing remedy to take the edge off of having to listen to Alexi Lalas do his Devil's-advocate-moral-pedant-smug-I'm-that-much-more-clever-than-you-soccer-Confucius routine. Mercifully, these performances are separated by at least 45 minutes of relative calm, but I'm open to suggestions on what might do the trick. I'm hard on Alexi, but it's because I care.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhJ22k8o2e_jbqnUX27UhCEqPx8ETKr_HOK2N8hRcQIN-Rdo1CK4QJdWrd66RZTIb_y4HI1MB3hYf2kCWqVVRQCvf3dAh22tticGy_p5zqRpLwpiRRvCXM__HBUCSo4c1pOVsT_PHUE4/s1600/lalas_usa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhJ22k8o2e_jbqnUX27UhCEqPx8ETKr_HOK2N8hRcQIN-Rdo1CK4QJdWrd66RZTIb_y4HI1MB3hYf2kCWqVVRQCvf3dAh22tticGy_p5zqRpLwpiRRvCXM__HBUCSo4c1pOVsT_PHUE4/s400/lalas_usa.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To me, this photo says, "You know what, Ric Flair!"</td></tr>
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Stay tuned! We'll (I'll) be back in about an hour. Come on you Yanks!<br />
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USMNT starting lineup: Howard, Johnson, Besler, Gonzalez, Evans, E. Johnson, Dempsey, Bradley, Jones, Zusi, Altidore.<br />
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DMB on the ban for accumulation of yellows. No Fab Johnson in the midfield. *Sniff*. I'm beginning to think our left back situation is a little like England's left winger curse. I mean seriously, what do we have to do to get a functional, steady left back? Beasley has been surprisingly good, but he's a stopgap. Fab Johnson always looks much better to me when he's allowed to run on the wings and play with the confidence that he knows there's someone there to put out fires behind him. If you're like 15 to 18 years old and you're somehow reading this and you carry a US passport and you have even an outside shot at being a professional caliber left back, MAKE THAT HAPPEN. In fact, stop reading this. Go outside and work on your fitness and your touch. If you have an older, bigger, faster brother, just try to win the ball off of him over and over again. Do it 1,000 times and then do it again. If this can take place in a misty forest or on a cloud shrouded mountain, all the better. <br />
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Altidore could have a field day against the Honduras center backs. They're inexperienced and not quite the physical specimens Josmer is.<br />
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Honduras starting lineup: Valladares, Peralta, Colon, Montes, Izaguirre, Claros, Palacios, Martinez, Espinoza, Najar, Costly.<br />
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Side note: How the H do you make accents and tildes and umlauts and whatnot on Blogger whilst using a Mac?! Seriously, I need to know.<br />
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Over/under 60% chance the telecast catches Bengston dressed as Elvis in the nosebleeds at Rio Tinto? Also, Gonzalez and Besler cannot allow Costly to find space between them or it could prove...wait for it...costly. I'll be here all night. <br />
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What's the general sentiment on the US short sleeved Henley shirts with the stars pocket? Love 'em? Hate 'em? Better than the '94 World Cup kit? I think I could get much more onboard with them if they were paired with these -<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMU8JYYSCgCsEvwRkzir2-hXyPIpjg084m_Ve4Ft2bN5sJh3UyH3dYVOleN0P-l8fArj-7Aa6L1In2Tm_StaGWRZ50vSSnHFocSCvviDWqv5ePbtTUwnCny11b_FEhr9nYDLEFs90fSws/s1600/FLAG_FRONT_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMU8JYYSCgCsEvwRkzir2-hXyPIpjg084m_Ve4Ft2bN5sJh3UyH3dYVOleN0P-l8fArj-7Aa6L1In2Tm_StaGWRZ50vSSnHFocSCvviDWqv5ePbtTUwnCny11b_FEhr9nYDLEFs90fSws/s400/FLAG_FRONT_large.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amiright?</td></tr>
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Whoa! Twellsy looks decidedly scruffy and weathered. Sort of a Marlboro Man/J Crew model/Mad Men mash up. Don't like the polka dot pocket square with the plaid shirt though. It's just a little too much for me. Other than that, looking dapper, Taylor. Looking dapper.<br />
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Just noticed Old Glory is essentially the same thing as Twellsy's pocket square/plaid shirt faux pas. Crap. Is our flag busy?! Do we have a busy flag?!<br />
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Here we go! Teams walking out on the field and...holy shit! Manuel Noriega is the center official!<br />
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Espinoza must be thinking, "Crap, these jerseys look just like Wigan's."<br />
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Well, we're off.<br />
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2' Free kick for USMNT. Zusito take. Deuce still hasn't hooked him up with Tottenham's hair guy. I'm beginning to think Zusi WANTS to look like an Omaha soccer mom. His choice, I suppose.<br />
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4' Deuce with an insect in his eye? An insect? Y'all, Honduras brought insects. Insects!<br />
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5' Honduras is already looking more capable than Panama did. I can't help but wonder how much the absence of Blas Perez defanged them. Perhaps the goalfest v a German C team and the comfortable win over a Panama side lacking a pointy end to its stick have been given too much weight.<br />
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8' Of course I say that and then we narrowly miss two decent chances at the other end.<br />
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9' That was well done by Bradley, but I don't want to see him have to dribble five guys in the middle of the field very often.<br />
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10' You knew that was coming! JJ with the yellow. Looks a little off the pace, but just as ill-tempered as always.<br />
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13' Panama's midfield < Honduras's midfield.<br />
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I'll be honest, this is an alarming start. Some rash challenges flying in. Bradley had a studs up effort right before Fab wrote his name in the book with what I thought was a lesser offense. Everyone's got a case of the Joneses.<br />
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17' Outstanding combination play through the midfield ending in a good Altidore chance. Seeing eye pass from Bradley and a good one touch ball outside to Fab. Shades of Altidore's Panama goal...minus the end result of course. <br />
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18' DEUCE! I would have put my house on him getting his head on that and putting it in the net. I would have lost my house. Full disclosure: I do not own a house. <br />
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Does Jozy have a touch of Kanye about him? In the face, I mean? Yeezus.<br />
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25' There's a sniper in the stands.<br />
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Match has hit a bit of a disjointed spell. Both sides have sort of weathered one another's storm and now things have settled into a series of sixty yard passes to no one.<br />
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28' Jozy did great work to try to win that back and I love it, but that probably should have been a yellow. Honduras is loving this script right now.<br />
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31' Well, they're booing Costly, but it looks like he's legitimately pulled his calf. This is going to be...wait for it...costly for Honduras. I know, I know. You're in stitches.<br />
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32' And here's the change. Rojas on for Costly. Is there a way to take back the "Stop being a pussy"chant?<br />
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33' JJ with a strong run forward up the right channel and he wins a foul on the edge of the Honduras penalty area. Deuce with the strike but he pings it off a Honduran forehead.<br />
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36' The range of passing here is impressive and EJ did well to stay onside and get behind the Honduran defense. However, that seems to be plans A through Z right now and we're playing Honduras at home. Like I said before, the wins over Germany and Panama were awesome, but they may have been more curb appeal and less dry basement. That's a home buying analogy.<br />
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40' Jozy's effort is there, but it's being channeled for evil instead of good right now. He's fighting an inner battle between AZ Jozy and USMNT Jozy.<br />
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A US goal just before half time would be huge.<br />
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41' A short corner? Really? And no service? They know Colon is 5'7 right? Right?<br />
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45' Just after Deuce and Jozy narrowly miss combining, Gonzalez blacks out and has his one requisite calamitous moment. Howard bails him out and then eats a chunk of his ass. In fairness to Gonzo, it was a bad giveaway to begin with, but his failure to close is inexcusable.<br />
<br />
Well, there's half time. I feel like the Yanks were maybe a little too keen on themselves following the Panama dismantling. Honduras is doing a very good job closing down the passing lanes and hammering whichever US player is in possession nearly as soon as he crosses midfield and certainly when he receives the ball with his back to goal. US has been unlucky on a number of occasions to not connect with the final ball or spring the offside trap with a long ball over the top.<br />
<br />
Having said that, Honduras is more than a little bit in this match and should be up 1-0 courtesy of some slack defending. <br />
<br />
Takeaways: Gonzo does his best work unopposed. I need my Johnsons in the midfield. Everyone has a case of the Joneses. Twellsy's pocket square and shirt combo still hasn't grown on me.<br />
<br />
If I had a red phone to Jurgen (I don't) I leave the side on the field unchanged. I get Cameron and Kljestan moving though and think about bringing Davis on for EJ.<br />
<br />
I hate to say this, but I just had a premonition. US red card.<br />
<br />
45' Why in Sam Hill did Evans play that ball all the way back? Free in the right channel and had an opportunity to get it in the box.<br />
<br />
48' There's that same too long long ball.<br />
<br />
49' Good ball in from Zusi, but Gonzo couldn't steer it home. Ian Darke just informed me that Gonzo was a college striker. My world makes so, so, so, so much more sense. Besler is still my horse. He's a little horse. Not quite a miniature pony, but a little guy. Like one of those horses the Comanches rode. Fast, strong, but not much to look at. Yeah, that's it. Besler is a Comanche horse.<br />
<br />
I feel like the fans in Utah are the same fans from Seattle, but that they've been up this whole time and now reek of cigarettes, light beer, and NoDoz.<br />
<br />
If you're Wilson Palacios and you're a hatchet man and you can't get into the Stoke City side...well, I don't know. <br />
<br />
56' Great ball in from Zusi off the set piece and Evans should have buried that. Hit it right at the keeper. Also, did anyone notice Twellsy make zero sense there? Said, "That ball needs to go right back where it came from, the back of the net." It came from the back of the net? Polk dot pocket square and plaid shirt? Those concussions were legit.<br />
<br />
And on cue, there's a shot of Davis and Cameron warming up.<br />
<br />
59' Goal disallowed for offside on Altidore, but that was bright move.<br />
<br />
Dempsey's touch is just on a different level than any other US player. Looks effortless.<br />
<br />
61' That was a horribly ill-advised pass from JJ. Could have been a goal for Honduras. Bring on Cameron.<br />
<br />
63' Holy shit! Hand of God there! Or at least John the Baptist. This match has that feel about it. And by "that feel" I, of course mean the "it's-just-not-our-day" feel.<br />
<br />
Ooh! I figured it out. Graham Zusi is a young Mel Kiper Jr. Hang on, I'll Google a pic...
<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi05aSoumRyu_VoP9hfa0s_XK4AXPzizHTyrykzx953_cl4a6nmq-Ejn8LqvbViCRyoMQWy7o1dK2aAe6uFqF01rEfuBCN9U5RKSM_bF7BknU_Tc0edlEvU_6cT0c35zuCyGWMX3Y2dcTc/s1600/Kiper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi05aSoumRyu_VoP9hfa0s_XK4AXPzizHTyrykzx953_cl4a6nmq-Ejn8LqvbViCRyoMQWy7o1dK2aAe6uFqF01rEfuBCN9U5RKSM_bF7BknU_Tc0edlEvU_6cT0c35zuCyGWMX3Y2dcTc/s400/Kiper.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Add a headband and subtract 20 year. Zusi.<br />
<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
69' Match is starting to get stretched a bit.<br />
<br />
70' Remember what I said about "that feel"? Dempsey and then Bradley should have scored.<br />
<br />
With Zusi finding so much joy down the left, it seems unlikely Davis will come on now to replace Johnson. I like Davis, but Zusi is having a field day over there and Davis's right foot is just for standing on. Like, literally. He has a handicapped placard in his car because he will literally fall over if he stands on one foot. Scout's honor.<br />
<br />
73' ALTIDORE! And it came from Johnson getting forward. Please, please, please, please, please always let my Fab Johnson play on the left wing.<br />
<br />
75' Well, what do I know. I'm surprised Zusi is coming off because he's been our fire starter going forward in the second half. I completely understand Cameron for Jones though. Boniek Garcia is on for Honduras as well. Still remember watching the original Boniek play on old VHS cassettes. Cat could ball.<br />
<br />
78' Jozy almost had two. Great cut back and then a decent strike forces the keeper into a save.<br />
<br />
80' There's my Besler...er, little horse. But like a badass little horse. Don't forget.<br />
<br />
Cameron has to be giving Klinsman something to think about. He looks very sharp in midfield and his range of passing, at least in the last two matches, doesn't seem to be too lacking in relation to Jones. I think his versatility is working against him.<br />
<br />
83' Cameron started that move with great, calm play under pressure and then a good pass out to Davis who won the corner.<br />
<br />
84' Besler. Comanche horse.<br />
<br />
87' Castillo on for EJ. Edgar looks like a little kid from a cereal commercial to me. I just can't take the tattoos seriously. I used to use my mom's makeup when I was a kid to paint gruesome black eyes on my face in order to look like I'd been doing some cool, tough, guy shit. In retrospect, people probably either thought I was a future drag queen or, if I'd done an exceptionally good makeup job that day, that my parents were routinely beating the hell out of me. Anyway, what am I trying to say? Oh yeah, Edgar Castillo's tattoos just don't look right. He's like a kid playing dress-up. Or black eye up. Whatever.<br />
<br />
93' Cameron again with good play pushing forward.<br />
<br />
This should do it.<br />
<br />
95' Look at Jozy getting back there and putting in a tackle! Kid could be on the cusp of something HUGE, both for the national team and in his club career.<br />
<br />
Well, that was an escape. The first half was poor and I don't think there's any other way to paint that. Team seemed disjointed and half awake. Credit where credit is due, however. The side fought back in the second half and willed its way to a goal and those are the sorts of games that make good teams good teams.<br />
<br />
Just listening to the Jozy interview at the end of the match. Hint of a Dutch lisp there? Or have I just never noticed how pronounced Josmer's speech particularities are?<br />
<br />
Takeaways: This team can win ugly with lots of miles in its legs. Besler is a Comanche horse and I love him (minus the giveaway). Lil Edgar Castillo is adorable and not at all believable with his tattoos. Zusi has to be the Man of the Match. Minus his God awful hairstyle, he was a terror on the left flank in the second half and it seemed like all the dangerous US moves came through him. I have to believe the Davis substitution was decided upon before the goal and I can't blame Klinsy for wanting to get some fresh legs in there, but Zusi was seemingly at the apex of his purple patch. That's a pretty weak criticism though.<br />
<br />
It would be easier to go after the effort, tactics, and general disjointed appearance of the team in the first half, but with all the recent matches, players out with yellow card accumulation, and Jones coming back from a spell on the sideline with a concussion, it would really be just bitching for bitching's sake and no one likes that.<br />
<br />
If anything, tonight's match showed how important Fabian Johnson is to the team as a left sided midfielder. When he was able to get forward, it wasn't as noticeable, but without Johnson on the left providing width and a consistent threat with his service, the team looked narrow and far too reliant on Michael Bradley picking out a run from Dempsey, Altidore, or EJ to spring the offside trap. I have to wonder if Altidore's comments after the match, something along the lines of "[Johnson's] been doing that all year for his club in Germany," were intended as kind of an extra nudge to make sure he gets penciled into that spot as a regular. And yes, I know he was playing at left back, but what he provides defensively in no way warrants what you give up going forward if you start him at left back. The "you" being Klinsy. I see no reason why Lil Edgar couldn't have started there and allowed Johnson more freedom to go forward from the first whistle. Especially since the match was a home one and the side was riding a comfortable high, in no small part due to Fab Johnson's contributions on the flank.<br />
<br />
I'm splitting hairs now. Three points. Boom!<br />
<br />
Thanks for reading and commenting. Come on you Yanks!<br />
<br />Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-51782544541501593852013-06-11T21:29:00.001-04:002013-06-12T00:46:52.248-04:00Live Blog: A Man, A Plan, A Canal...Let's Get 3 PointsYo!<br />
<br />
I'm here and I'm just a wee bit lubricated from Flat 12 Bierworks's delicious Cucumber Kolsch as served up in honor of Juergen Sommer's appointment as Head Coach and Director of Soccer Operations for Indy Eleven, the NASL's newest franchise.<br />
<br />
It was a lovely event and wholly unencumbered by foul weather or long lines, but now down to the macro business of the US Men's National team and its quest for World Cup qualification.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8FImpS3NAh885Xbz766Q07zQOgxRkNwWWL8f6_ttFpNnAavGJ08oPQJJd_iWHjz52mfU6bRxx61MgchA-CR_HXnYhlEMU5LSv1Br4IBZ8g_zpwu5RKtdoz2esO8bH4GkM4uWHWddwzQc/s1600/Panama_Canal_under_construction,_1907.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8FImpS3NAh885Xbz766Q07zQOgxRkNwWWL8f6_ttFpNnAavGJ08oPQJJd_iWHjz52mfU6bRxx61MgchA-CR_HXnYhlEMU5LSv1Br4IBZ8g_zpwu5RKtdoz2esO8bH4GkM4uWHWddwzQc/s400/Panama_Canal_under_construction,_1907.jpg" width="396" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Malaria. Light Beer. Probably high waisted bikinis too. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Tonight: Panama.<br />
<br />
I think of only a few things when I think of Panama.<br />
<br />
1: The canal - Along with said canal, I think of malaria, the French, and Teddy Roosevelt. Read a book.<br />
<br />
2: Manuel Noriega - Listen, there were all sorts of ins and outs with that invasion. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but hegemony is a word that hits pretty close to home to our neighbors to the south. As Porfirio Diaz said, "So far from God, so close to the United States." Also, Noriega had some wicked pock marks, did he not?<br />
<br />
3: Van Halen - I know for a certain set of American rock aficionados this is near blasphemy to say, but I can't stand Van Halen. I think of yellow Jeep Wranglers, mullets, and light beer when I think of Van Halen. None of those things is good. Also, any song (and I'm referring to <i>Panama </i>here) that begins with the lyrics "Uh! Oh Yeah! Ah-huh!" ranks highly in the pantheon of shit as far as I'm concerned.<br />
<br />
So there you go. Malaria, acne, and light beer.<br />
<br />
Come on you Yanks! <br />
<br />
More to come at kickoff...<br />
<br />
ESPN is predicting a 68.9% chance of a US win. Thank God for that?<br />
<br />
Here we go!<br />
<br />
The dulcet tones of Ian Darke are ringing again in my ears and we're getting our first glimpse of the "ridiculously awful" pitch in Seattle.<br />
<br />
"Eddie Johnson will have to be effective." Thanks, Taylor Twellman. That's sports journalism at it's finest.<br />
<br />
3' Geoff Cameron is looking sharp and like he's going to get a JJ caliber yellow at some point. Love it.<br />
<br />
3' FABIAN! Doh!<br />
<br />
5' Enriquez (he's Panama's 21) is wearing gloves. Gloves. Guantes. Are you shitting me?<br />
<br />
7' Great run forward by DMB and well found by Besler. DMB haters, please tell me who is our better left back option?<br />
<br />
[Crickets]<br />
<br />
9' Great move from the US going forward. Decent ball in from DMB, but he couldn't find Deuce's head. Nice to see the interchange going forward and the quick passes to transition from flank to flank.<br />
<br />
Monica Gonzalez is making the turf situation sound like a matter of national security right now.<br />
<br />
14' Holy shit! Panama has two of the same coach. Body doubles? That's sneaky. Panama just climbed my list of nations to get out of CONCACAF qualifying. I mean, that's next level. Some managers give out false injury reports. Panama has a body double for its coach. Respect.<br />
<br />
Cameron is continuing his streak of playing in every position other than his publicly acknowledged "best position". Right back and attacking midfielder for Stoke. Right back and defensive midfielder for the Nats. From a player's perspective, that's actually a pretty sweet deal. Built-in excuse?<br />
<br />
Also, Geoff Cameron looks EXACTLY like Michael Richards in <i>Problem Child</i>. Hang on, I'll Google a pic.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQPNFstzRf3FIdBtNJGuMldj9NWQHJVZW2FGWso0GQgq9z8hePmoAlduz3qVJ6DX4pItX-wQD56z8p6GPEGb2c9MGcHPaFn_a2Maf1x8fs1rgO69MshCp34JAeA8ie37pmTsm804V5mNc/s1600/hqdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQPNFstzRf3FIdBtNJGuMldj9NWQHJVZW2FGWso0GQgq9z8hePmoAlduz3qVJ6DX4pItX-wQD56z8p6GPEGb2c9MGcHPaFn_a2Maf1x8fs1rgO69MshCp34JAeA8ie37pmTsm804V5mNc/s400/hqdefault.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boom!<br />
<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
25' Quintero is doing his best to test Evans who's used to having some help behind him on the flank. I still think Cherundolo is our best option at right back, but Evans could find a home for himself there if he gets the one-on-one defensive skills to go with his abilities pushing forward. Kudos to Besler covering there and Johnson tracking back to do decidedly un-EJ work.<br />
<br />
Lot of talk right now about Gonzalez and his abilities at center back. I remain unsold on his abilities outside of MLS. However, I'm going on record with my thirteen readers that Besler is going to be the next US player to establish himself as a legitimate American international talent.<br />
<br />
30' Thank God that dive didn't work. Evans is getting attacked and needs help. Also, Taylor Twellman just made sense. Those concussions didn't get to him after all. And speaking of, did anyone else see Alexi Lalas today saying that he wouldn't mind heading of the ball being outlawed in soccer in order to protect players from brain damage? Ah, Alexi. Sweet, sweet Alexi.<br />
<br />
33' FABIAN! Hit it with your purse next time, Sally!<br />
<br />
34' Jozy just went beast mode there. That was most definitely AZ Jozy and not at all USMNT Jozy. Great work. Clear penalty.<br />
<br />
36' That was the best US counter-attacking goal I've seen since Lando's goal in the Confed Cup v Brazil.<br />
<br />
Bradley drives at the heart of the Panama defense, draws defenders, plays wide to Fabian, and then a perfect ball across to Jozy. Again, that's AZ Jozy and not USMNT Jozy.<br />
<br />
1-0, Good Guys.<br />
<br />
39' When it's your day, it's your day. I thought that was a bad choice by Cameron going to ground in the box, but he won the tackle and then EJ drew the foul against Panama. Did I mention how much Geoff Cameron looks like Michael Richards in <i>Problem Child</i>? How about how much EJ looks like Roy Hibbert if someone stuck a bicycle pump in him, stretched him Medieval rack style, fed him twinkies, and soaked him like a sponge? Hang on, I'll Google a pic...<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIOLi6RMKN7BE7oYUnLaRhT2QcdERpMNzSj_wBmPqPYssp9hLALL3W3ROPtWcDs0f-Li2afmGWKWBF3k3wIR73OFA5omSuDcuf8UdcZ0zHsIFR25G75ffYGOZMZavnvGSBqnAdBDZTcEI/s1600/roy-hibbert-monocle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIOLi6RMKN7BE7oYUnLaRhT2QcdERpMNzSj_wBmPqPYssp9hLALL3W3ROPtWcDs0f-Li2afmGWKWBF3k3wIR73OFA5omSuDcuf8UdcZ0zHsIFR25G75ffYGOZMZavnvGSBqnAdBDZTcEI/s400/roy-hibbert-monocle.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amiright? Huh?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div>
46' Offside and the Panama goal is disallowed. Thank God. Which brings me to a soccer pet peeve. No, not Alexi Lalas. It's when people say "Offsides" instead of "Offside." There's only one side you can be off. Unless you're some kind of soccer double agent and you manage to be playing for both teams at the same time and are also huge enough that you can straddle the entire field, Megatron style, you cannot be offsides. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Rant over. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Half time.<br />
<br />
Halftime?<br />
<br />
What's the grammar rule here?<br />
<br />
I just noticed how stupendous Bob Ley's hair is. Rewind the DVR, I'll wait. I mean, look at that coif. If there was a product called "Silver Fox Helmet," that would be it. Good on you, Bob Ley.<br />
<br />
Second half! Here we go!<br />
<br />
Thoughts on Dempsey as a captain? Have to say, I think the no nonsense, get on with it, Deuce face attitude is a needed foil to Kilnsy's relentless, decidedly un-German optimism.<br />
<br />
Cameron is settling in nicely. Covering a lot of ground and not nearly as many wayward passes as he hit in the first half.<br />
<br />
52' And now Twellsy is agreeing with me. I take back my concussion comments.<br />
<br />
53' Geoff Cameron is my motor. EJ is my high octane gasoline.<br />
<br />
2-0, USMNT<br />
<br />
The 2-0 scoreline is important, but the fact that AZ Jozy and pre-Fulham EJ have apparently rejoined the USMNT is even bigger news. If we can get those two guys full of confidence and playing off of one another's strengths, we should qualify comfortably.<br />
<br />
57' The "You're not going to Brazil" chant is probably a little classless, but hey, isn't that what home field advantage is all about?<br />
<br />
US is moving the ball crisply and confidently. Love the pace and the quick ball movement. I'm *this close* to sending Klinsy a Hallmark card. Or at least a nice tweet.<br />
<br />
62' I don't want to tempt fate, but Cameron seems to be playing exactly like JJ but without the guaranteed yellow/red/dark red card. I like JJ's tattoos better, but Cameron is showing some potential there with his 3/4 sleeve.<br />
<br />
66' Altidore then Dempsey with great chances. All starts with Cameron though. He's having a beast of a game. Please, someone rescue him from Stoke City and the looming pall of Mark Hughes and his cursed specter. Hughes strikes me as the kind of guy who would wear a hat with a buckle, Jamestown Puritan style. Probably would burn witches at the stake. Also saw Goody Proctor in the woods with the Devil.<br />
<br />
69' Sanchez with the dive and the yellow card. Are we in bizarro world? Over/under 70% chance that's a penalty anywhere south of Dallas?<br />
<br />
70' Seattle > Any other US soccer city<br />
<br />
75' Heart just skipped a beat as I saw that ball go back to Howard. Images of Paul Robinson and his England career going down the drain at the hands of a bumpy pitch and an inside the posts back pass.<br />
<br />
76' Match has taken a little bit of turn for the somnolent. US up by 2 and not too terribly concerned with getting another goal. Panama seems completely incapable of doing anything but sending in early crosses and hoping to win something off Besler and Gonzo. Isn't happening. Testament to Beasley and Evans that they aren't allowing runs behind them to be productive.<br />
<br />
78' Dempsey with the most un-Texan finish of all time. Shoot it, electrocute it, grill it, and smother it in ranch dressing next time.<br />
<br />
79' WHAT A MOVE!<br />
<br />
Beasley is unlucky there. Someone must have bet Deuce he couldn't complete five back heel passes in one match. Jozy with a a great ball after the knock down. Right on to DMB's feet. Props to Ft. Wayne's own for even making that run. Still haven't heard the suggestion of a better option at left back.<br />
<br />
Don't want to give up a late goal here. That floated ball to the back post has produced a couple of half chances.<br />
<br />
87' Brad "Half Hobbit, Half Stewie From Family Guy" Davis comes on for Fabian Johnson, or as I like to call him, Fab Johnson. Someone needs to talk to him about a post soccer career as a sex toy pitch man.<br />
<br />
Any arguments against Geoff Cameron as Man of the Match?<br />
<br />
90' Besler again with great covering and a competent tackle in the box, then wins the foul. That's my horse.<br />
<br />
91' Stu is in and his hair is looking like it's in mid season form. Good body, a hint of a highlight or two, off the ears and neck. Respect, Stu.<br />
<br />
Great save by Howard and there's Gonzo's one blackout moment. He's always good for one. He's like the USMNT's Philippe Senderos, but with worse hair, which is saying something because Senderos is bald and looks like a James Bond villain. If Klinsy is looking for Holden to provide value to the side, he needs to sit him down with Gonzo and get him to spit some hair knowledge.<br />
<br />
Full time!<br />
<br />
USA-2<br />
<br />
Panama-0<br />
<br />
Take aways: The USMNT cruised in that match. Jozy, Deuce, Fab, and EJ looked very much on the same page going forward and that took a lot of pressure off the defense. Easier to look confident when you're not constantly trying to put out fires after you've been caught in transition.<br />
<br />
Also, Bradley and Cameron were stellar in this match. I don't know what that means moving forward for Jones, my gut is probably not much, but I'm pretty sure the "What's Geoff Cameron's Best Position" debate just acquired a new dynamic.<br />
<br />
I tend to think that Jones is still needed in that holding position, especially against more capable competition. Not taking anything away from Cameron, but Jones strikes me as a faster, more capable of the dark arts sort of player.<br />
<br />
In conclusion: Michael Richards, Besler is my horse, EJ is my high octane gasoline, and DMB FTW.<br />
<br />
Deuces.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-43694951566329135012013-05-29T19:24:00.000-04:002013-05-30T16:09:35.752-04:00Live Blog: USMNT v BelgiumI've never done this before, but apparently, in the world of push-button publishing, no prior experience is hardly an obstacle that proves to be insurmountable. Let's do this.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCgDjRVP14Jn7P7A9-P5c-ThKEgP2av9zbKji_bOQwOQaoS4yhQHYamqFdx1nUQUwjEcuYDj2y7QgePcvgLgHoL1gHxeG6EnKjJ4-rnhI0bph0sZAbo6dFY16qpwU3_RyoSx6qjCjQO9k/s1600/d947fbeb-6fa2-4f19-8f64-39d5e14d07d7-620x372.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCgDjRVP14Jn7P7A9-P5c-ThKEgP2av9zbKji_bOQwOQaoS4yhQHYamqFdx1nUQUwjEcuYDj2y7QgePcvgLgHoL1gHxeG6EnKjJ4-rnhI0bph0sZAbo6dFY16qpwU3_RyoSx6qjCjQO9k/s400/d947fbeb-6fa2-4f19-8f64-39d5e14d07d7-620x372.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Glad to see the back of you. Photo: David Maxwell/EPA</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Looks like the US will start thusly:<br />
<br />
Howard, Cameron, Gonzalez, Goodson, Beasley, Zusi, Jones, Kljestan, Davis, Dempsey, Altidore.<br />
<br />
Looks a decently strong lineup. If you'd told me two years ago Beasley would be getting his 100th cap tonight as the USMNT's most viable option at left back, I would have slapped you, made you wash your mouth out with soap and warm water, and then led you in a rousing rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner." But what do I know? <br />
<br />
Belgium's lineup:<br />
<br />
Mignolet (Doesn't he look like a 1930s Irish Gangster? Needles Mignolet?), Alderweireld, Kompany, Vermaelen, Vertonghen, Fellaini, Defour, Dembele, Mirallas, De Buryne, Lukaku.<br />
<br />
Am I the only one who sees Mirallas and Lukaku in this lineup then skips back to reread our center backs and lets out an audible, lower register "Fuuuuuuuuuuck,"?<br />
<br />
Also, how would you punctuate that previous sentence? Period, quotation mark, question mark? Comma, quotation mark, question mark? Quotation mark, question mark? Seriously. I need your guidance.<br />
<br />
Enduring Sports Center on ESPN before the kickoff. They're reliving Wayne Gretzky's '93 LA Kings game 7 conference finals game. Two things: Make "Little Wayne's" head bleed. And Holy Melrose Mullet.<br />
<br />
God Bless Ian Darke's dulcet tones.<br />
<br />
Teams are lined up and about to walk out onto the field. I think Mignolet has been vacuum packed into his jersey. Looks like The Flash. The 1930s Irish gangster version of The Flash.<br />
<br />
Looks a decent crowd, but the football stadium rather dwarfs the faithful. Cleveland: Soccer hotbed.<br />
<br />
They got #2 from "Austin Powers" to sing the national anthem!!!!!!<br />
<br />
[<i>Moment of silence for Oklahoma</i>]
<br />
<br />
2' Those giveaways clearing out of the back are going to be soaked up by Fellaini.<br />
<br />
3' Well done. Zusi. Tracked back well. Altidore needs a goal to get off the schnide, but that shot was poorly considered. Caught the US in transition and sprang the Belgium attack.<br />
<br />
5' USA Jozy just showed up in place of AZ Jozy. Trips over a ball he brought down in the box. Meanwhile, in Holland...alternate universe AZ Jozy is celebrating his 1,000th goal...<br />
<br />
...followed immediately by Cameron and Gonzalez doing their best underwater soccer impression. Slooooooow.<br />
<br />
1-0 Waffles.<br />
<br />
11' Cameron ran out of ideas there and apparently decided just to give it back to Belgium. Seems reasonable. <br />
<br />
12' Ditto Klejstan.<br />
<br />
"Will Fellaini follow Moyes to United?" Yes, Sir Ian. He will. Next question?<br />
<br />
16' Great spell of possession for the US there, and then Altidore rocked the cute little Eredivisie touch and the move is over.<br />
<br />
I will say this, at least Jozy is getting involved. I've seen too many USMNT matches in which he was anonymous. He's getting into good positions, he just needs to calm down and play within himself a bit more. <br />
<br />
23' GOAL!<br />
<br />
Great ball back across the goal from Deuce off the corner kick. Waffles got caught napping on the back post after the initial ball cleared them. Maybe that woke up Cameron?<br />
<br />
1-1<br />
<br />
Zusi needs a new haircut. It's less "international soccer player" and more "Omaha soccer mom at LA Fitness." He's got resources. I mean, Dempsey plays at maybe the best hair side in club soccer. Surely he can do Zusi a solid and get him a good hair guy. Am I wrong here?<br />
<br />
Ian Darke seriously just said "beautiful" and "Lake Eerie" in the same sentence. He's a professional, folks.<br />
<br />
If I'm Belgium and I'm trying to get firmly back on top of this match, I start pressing a little higher, especially when Gonzalez, Cameron, or Goodson are on the ball. They look ponderous and unsure of where their outlets are. Belgium isn't pressing at all and Gonzalez especially is taking so long moving the ball that they're still closing him down.<br />
<br />
36' Vermaelen is off and Potonglioliognioloio is on.<br />
<br />
I want to see Davis on the ball more. Facially, he's like Stewie from Family Guy and Merry from Lord of The Rings had a kid, but he looks bright and sharp on the ball.<br />
<br />
41' Oh, thank God. Dembele is coming off. Oh, fuck Benteke is coming on.<br />
<br />
Hazard, Benteke, Witsel, Lukaku, Mirallas, Fellaini. These guys have a chance to be so good they finally put the kibosh on that whole Flemish v French thing. <br />
<br />
First half takeaways: Our back four, minus DMB, are too Stoke like. Belgium hasn't put it past third gear yet and Cameron, Gonzalez, and Goodson just look too ponderous, ungainly, and lacking in recovery speed. If they were all superior technical players with flawless positional sense, this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but there were at least three occasions in the first 45 minutes that had one, two, or all three of those guys in a really unflattering Monkey in the Middle situation.<br />
<br />
When Winston Churchill described Russia as a "...riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma," he could just have easily been talking about Jozy Altidore in a USA jersey. I'm flummoxed. Can we get Gyasi Zardes in the mix already?<br />
<br />
I'm off to grab a Kaliber out of the fridge. You heard me. Kaliber. It's a school night.<br />
<br />
Ok, here we go with the second half!<br />
<br />
Bring on the subs and let's watch this thing devolve into a disjointed kick in the park.<br />
<br />
Worst thing for Jozy? Coming off at half time. What could make it even worse? EJ bagging a screamer.<br />
<br />
50' Guzan claimed that fairly easily, but Gonzalez still let Lukaku walk right past him. How do you lose Lukaku? He's like The Predator minus that badass cloaking thingy.<br />
<br />
53' DMB played that like a boss. Looked a terrible mismatch and Beasley stayed with him with every turn and won the ball back. Credit where credit is due.<br />
<br />
56' Gonzalez and Goodson have been...poor. Twellman calls it growing pains, but that's a mistake in the international game as well as the club game as well as the pub game.<br />
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2-1 Waffles.<br />
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I just figured it out. Cameron, Gonzalez, and Goodson are in a competition to see who can most quickly go from goat to hero.<br />
<br />
64' Boyd on for Davis. Meanwhile, Lukaku is settling into the game now and unleashes a bullet at Guzan. I would continue my Predator analogy, but I don't know what that little three pronged laser thing is called. Also, Fellaini just did what Fellaini does. Fro --> Ball --> Goal.<br />
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3-1 Waffles. <br />
<br />
69' Besler on for Goodson. Evans on for Zusi.<br />
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71' That was too easy. Like way, way, way too easy. I can accept getting beaten by a side like Belgium if it's done with skill, but the old criticism of Klinsy's teams, that they look tactically deficient, is certainly going to be bandied about after this match.<br />
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4-1 Waffles.<br />
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I'm beginning to think the Kaliber may be a little too soft for me.<br />
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Beasley, minus getting walked past for the fourth, has looked good tonight. That's not the Kaliber talking. Or maybe it is the Kaliber talking. Kaliber is NA and I meant that as a stone cold sober observation. Yup, that's the Kaliber talking.<br />
<br />
79' Beasley did BRILLIANTLY there. His little tip toe down the line deserved a better ball from EJ. Penalty is a harsh decision.<br />
<br />
80' Deuce gets one back from the spot. score looks a little less ugly, but it's still discouraging to see nothing created from the run of play.<br />
<br />
4-2<br />
<br />
81' Holden is on! Bigger news, Holden's hair looks to be in decent form as well.<br />
<br />
82' Johnson keeps getting into great positions but can't get the right ball in. Donovan *cough* Donovan *cough, cough*.<br />
<br />
85' That looked a clear penalty. Whether Besler got the ball or not, he put himself in jail there with a terrible angle to the first ball.<br />
<br />
90' It was only a matter of time before Jones got his name in the book. Probably looked up and saw the clock and panicked.<br />
<br />
Well, that happened. 4-2 final score, but I think the score line flatters the US, if I'm honest. I don't think the sky is falling, but this seems to be a pattern under Klinsmann. Really all I can muster at this point is a slew of adjectives thrown on to the page like a bunch of spaghetti on the wall. Here goes: disjointed, tentative, lacking a focal point in attack (ok, that was a descriptive phrase...we'll call that a meatball to the adjective spaghetti), clumsy, faceless. Did I say disjointed?<br />
<br />
Other US teams have been less talented, but they've played with a strong, shared identity and they've been better for it. The side under Klinsmann continues to look like a collection of 11 players who are all reading from a different book of music.<br />
<br />
Final takeaway: If Belgium doesn't qualify for the World Cup in Brazil, there is no justice in this world. If you're not from Belgium (Flemish or French end), this should be your second favorite team. Also, waffles are delicious.Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-60700470255868113802013-05-10T16:55:00.000-04:002013-05-10T21:22:17.760-04:00The Reddest Devil: Thoughts On SAF's RetirementIf you're a regular reader of the blog, and you're wondering, "Where on God's green earth has this guy been?", I offer my sincerest apologies and also suggest you check out <a href="http://www.blogger.com/soccernewsday.com">Soccer Newsday</a> and <a href="http://www.blogger.com/cottagersconfidential.com">Cottagers Confidential</a> for some of my thoughts on Indianapolis's new NASL team and Fulham Football Club respectively. I'm juggling three balls here (no jokes!) and am realizing that for a writer, even a modicum of recognition comes with a whole slew of deadlines, restrictions, and editors who do not believe in the Oxford comma. Heathens.<br />
<br />
On to the good stuff...<br />
<br />
Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement as manager of Manchester United earlier this week after nearly three decades at the helm of arguably the world's most iconic club. I had to slow clap the man from across the Atlantic as the timing of his announcement managed to make a pivotal London derby between Chelsea and Tottenham look positively inconsequential and transformed a decidedly pedestrian title winning campaign into the construction of a glorious, gilded arched gateway with "exit"inscribed in some legendary as-yet-uncreated font above it. In short, SAF dropped the mic and marched backstage to gulp red wine from the myriad trophies he probably sets his table with.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNZ32a4LaoYwtVo0dQ7TJgeDvTwAzXRX6RbhSVYk0xml96uzcE2vOX8d-sXFF5PR8DYlJr1I5jOUIii79CbMKOaZdjwTdnFYouMAeiw-2xa1GQ-00rKWvE-v2hRGkY6qWL0yt67cGLwXM/s1600/e292899742b6459cacfa48ae13793b11-5794d8d7c0a94825a44c570c59408503-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNZ32a4LaoYwtVo0dQ7TJgeDvTwAzXRX6RbhSVYk0xml96uzcE2vOX8d-sXFF5PR8DYlJr1I5jOUIii79CbMKOaZdjwTdnFYouMAeiw-2xa1GQ-00rKWvE-v2hRGkY6qWL0yt67cGLwXM/s400/e292899742b6459cacfa48ae13793b11-5794d8d7c0a94825a44c570c59408503-1.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another massive wine goblet. Legendary. </td></tr>
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That may sound like hyperbole, but that's what we're dealing with here. Ferguson has been a legend in his own time; a force of nature for whom conventional wisdom, mores, and rules of engagement do not apply. Other managers have seen the entire arc of their career play out as a blip on Ferguson's geologic timeline and have often rightly asked themselves, "Well, how does he get away with it?" We don't know.<br />
<br />
In the wake of SAF's announcement, breathless paeans to the man written by even more breathless writers sprung up like hatching east coast cicadas and attempted to encapsulate The Man's greatness; to pinpoint his final ranking in the pantheon of all time greats. We may look back on this week and remember it as the precise moment when the "Living Obituary" genre of writing was created.<br />
<br />
His time in charge. His trophies won. The staggering volume of legends who played for him. His gum chewing and wine drinking. His (in)famous timekeeping. His thinly veiled disdain for the media, transfer fees, and players who crossed him. All of these Fergieisms have been cited in recent days, and rightly so, but they're only pieces of the Ferguson Myth and don't cut to the heart of the matter. It's like describing Wedge, Grimlock, Heavy Loader, and Hightower and failing to convey that, although they're all awesome individually, together they're so much more badass as Landfill. That's a Gestalt Transformer reference. Feel free to Google it. I'll wait.<br />
<br />
What sets Ferguson apart is that through the force of all those Fergieisms - all of that excellence, prickliness, temper, toil, and constancy - he was Manchester United incarnate. The Reddest Devil. He was the architect of all those trophy campaigns and the blesser of every transfer in and out, the redeemer of the Busby Babes. He was both the arrogance and excellence of every Manchester United vintage since 1986 and the judge, jury, and executioner of every erstwhile star who forgot it.<br />
<br />
The problem for David Moyes is that he still is, if not in practice then certainly in truth. No one wants to be the man who follows a legend. Better to be the man who follows the man who follows the legend. In this case, the legend and the club are synonymous and it may take an actual obituary to separate the two again.<br />
<br />
Well played, Sir. Well played. Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-18473956081771082502013-03-21T23:19:00.000-04:002013-03-21T23:19:58.055-04:00The USMNT: Double, Double Toil and TroubleLet's set the record straight on something before we even get started. <a href="http://aol.sportingnews.com/soccer/story/2013-03-19/jurgen-klinsmann-us-mens-soccer-coach-national-team-usa-american-world-cup-2013">Brian Straus's article on the United States Men's National Team, which appeared earlier this week on the Sporting News website</a>, was a well written, relevant, timely, and pertinent piece of journalism. The only way I can be convinced otherwise is if someone steps forward with evidence that Straus fabricated all of those anonymous quotes and has a secret voodoo shrine above his fireplace dedicated to the professional ruination of Jurgen Klinsmann. To all the rabid fans out there calling for blood, the team isn't going to win or lose based on an article written by a responsible journalist. The story was there. He reported it.<br />
<br />
It's the intervening days since the article was published - the actions of the players and Klinsmann himself - and the looming dates with Costa Rica and Mexico that are the real stories now. So what do we have?<br />
<br />
Well, unless, as I said before, Straus pulled all of those anonymous quotes from thin air, the USMNT has a legitimate chemistry issue. Klinsmann, Carlos Bocanegra, Clint Dempsey, Michael Bradley, Tim Howard, and Herculez Gomez have all stepped forward in the last 48 hours and engaged in the time honored tradition of athletes everywhere by saying the right things to the media about team spirit, mutual support, and focusing on the task at hand, ostensibly the match against Costa Rica.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVZ0g7EV6KVDyKavyaVIukb0NE1WkO7p9JTstSAhYtkK3onfzAcen5d3jfT869AO2jIQE7jY7PQNiFqNSGyP9aCrH6lu3TIIeAIq9laj7K56p6TvvMFUgJTAr3DLWcAOnsLFIL9jAz9G8/s1600/gty_jurgen_klinsmann_sc_110729_wg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVZ0g7EV6KVDyKavyaVIukb0NE1WkO7p9JTstSAhYtkK3onfzAcen5d3jfT869AO2jIQE7jY7PQNiFqNSGyP9aCrH6lu3TIIeAIq9laj7K56p6TvvMFUgJTAr3DLWcAOnsLFIL9jAz9G8/s640/gty_jurgen_klinsmann_sc_110729_wg.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back to the wall. Klinsmann's theories need to become results.</td></tr>
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Reading between the lines a bit, and given that none of the aforementioned players suggested that there was no substance to the quotes in the Straus article, one can assume that the chemistry issues are being addressed in the locker room. Unfortunately, the likes of Dempsey, Bradley, and Gomez will have to handle this issue themselves as elder statesmen and universally respected leaders Bocanegra and Howard are not in Denver through injury and form respectively.<br />
<br />
Which leads to another strange and troubling chapter in this rapidly developing saga. What's the deal with Carlos Bocanegra? He was given an entirely unexpected spot on the bench for the loss to Honduras in a match that was crying out for senior leadership and experience in the defensive third. This week he was stripped of his captaincy and dropped from the squad altogether. To his credit, Bocanegra has been his usual classy, well-spoken, and mature self when addressing these issues to the media, but one has to wonder what is going on behind the scenes.<br />
<br />
Bocanegra is no spring chicken and Klinsmann is right to be vetting viable alternatives in the US defense, but there has to be a middle ground between ignoring the problem and Klinsmann's chosen hell-bent-for-leather path of throwing the spring lambs to the wolves. Klinsmann has suggested that Bocanegra's lack of form with his club is the reason for his recent exclusion from the squad, but time and again Klinsmann has strayed from this guiding principle by either including an out-of-form player or excluding a player on a hot streak.<br />
<br />
This sort of inconsistent decision making and incongruity between speech and action is exactly the sort of behavior for which Straus's article criticizes Klinsmann and it wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that he and Bocanegra had some sort of disagreement regarding the direction of the team. That's purely conjecture and I could be totally off base, but the treatment of Bocanegra seems to have everyone doing that little sideways, ear pricked head tilt Golden Retrievers do when they hear an unfamiliar sound.<br />
<br />
Thrown into all of this is the embryonic backfiring of the Germans-as-Americans experiment begun under Bob Bradley and taken to Weapon X proportions by Klinsmann. Again, everyone is saying the right things. Klinsmann has said, "I believe Americans are Americans no matter if they grow up in Japan, South Africa, or Buenos Aires." While this is a politically correct thing to say, true for the American diaspora, and generally a good thing, what the USMNT is dealing with right now is in no way general. It's very, very, very specific and it involves importing players who may be American in paperwork only to be lynchpins on a national team that has seen its greatest successes come through the emotional unity of being an American underdog.<br />
<br />
Yes, the USMNT has fielded players in the past - Thomas Dooley, David Regis, Ernie Stewart - who essentially <i>became</i> American by donning the national team jersey, but those players came into the squad as individuals and were quickly assimilated into the team ethos. By contrast, Fabian Johnson, Timmy Chandler, Danny Williams, Terrance Boyd, and to a lesser extent Jermain Jones, have all come into the USMNT at the same time. It's tough to see how they could not <i><b>not</b></i> form a clique, if not out of perceived superiority then certainly out of common experience and a language barrier.<br />
<br />
And now Klinsmann has named Clint Dempsey captain for the next two qualifiers against Costa Rica and Mexico. This is another Golden Retriever decision for me. It's not that I don't think Dempsey is deserving of this sort of honor, but that, given his form and recent injury issues at Tottenham (again with the club form thing) and Michael Bradley's emergence as a vocal, world class midfield motor, I would have thought Bradley would be a shoe in. Dempsey is more of a get on with it, silent, chip-on-the-shoulder type and perhaps Klinsmann is hoping this will rub off on the rest of the team, but I can't help but think those anonymous sources of Straus might be throwing their hands up at this decision as further proof that Klinsmann is a master tinkerer with very little end product.<br />
<br />
So now it's do or die time. At the bare minimum, the USMNT has to get at least a point from these next two matches. Realistically, they have to get three. I don't see the current state of the side remaining unclear after the Costa Rica and Mexico matches. The Straus article and the panicked attention it has brought to the team will result in either a backs-to-the-wall, us-against-them stand that sees the USMNT through these next two fixtures and well on the way to a galvanizing qualification campaign, or the Yanks will implode in a spectacular show of underachievement and caustic finger pointing clouded in a haze of ambiguous and impotent Klinsmann platitudes.<br />
<br />
When will we know?<br />
<br />
When the hurlyburly's done, when the battle's lost and won. Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-79050867931040243502013-03-02T22:12:00.000-05:002013-03-02T22:12:45.640-05:00The North London Derby PredictionArsene Wenger earlier this week stated that Arsenal make no special preparations to face superlative players. Arsenal suddenly make so much more sense to me.<br />
<br />
In <i>Soccernomics,</i> by Simon Kuper and Stefan Szymanski, the argument is made that innovative advantages do not live in perpetuity. In other words, if I show up to our office or worksite or lab or *ahem* soccer league with an innovative and effective way of doing the same old thing, I will enjoy a substantial advantage over my opponents for as long as it takes my opponents to either counter my innovation with an innovation of their own or to simply start doing the same thing that I once did so uniquely, and even potentially improve upon my methods.<br />
<br />
The case study they use to illustrate said point? Arsene Wenger.<br />
<br />
Kuper and Syzmanski are able to pinpoint the exact moment Wenger was no longer "The Professor" and simply became "Wenger." That exact moment? 2006.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is an image from the near future...like tomorrow</td></tr>
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Look, I appreciate Wenger and his very French very stubborn insistence that his methods are not flawed. I appreciate his ability to find young talent and polish it into professional class. I find the brand of football Arsenal plays to be mostly pleasing to the eye (I can do this because I'm not an Arsenal fan and I'll never want to kill myself when they can't play Any. Other. Way. even when they need a goal in the 93rd minute). I can even endure Wenger's constant diffusion of responsibility for his team's inability to do anything other than qualify for the Champions League and get knocked out of domestic cup competitions. I find his peanut butter mouth accent charming, his ridiculous coat ridiculous, and I kind of dig the fact that he was boning down with an Algerian female rapper half his age...allegedly.<br />
<br />
What I enjoy most though, is his tragic inability to innovate again, the caricature of himself he has become, and the manner in which Arsenal fans have adopted their manager's delusional optimism, an optimism that blames everyone and everything else for their side's failure. I don't mean that as schadenfreude. I don't enjoy Arsenal's failure out of spite, but I do enjoy the morality play the Gunners have become. It's like <i>Aesop's Fables</i> or <i>Animal Farm</i> or <i>Oedipus Rex</i> or <i>This Is Spinal Tap </i>all come to life. Arsenal are a cautionary tale warning against the hubris a novel idea can cultivate.<br />
Gareth Bale is not someone like Ricky Lambert who just happens to be his side's best player. Gareth Bale is in the purplest or purple patches. He's wearing a Barney suit, stomping grapes, and listening to Gogol Bordello's <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkkIwO_X4i4">Start Wearing Purple</a></i> on repeat.<br />
<br />
Wenger hasn't planned for him? He's either lying or doing the most Arsene Wenger thing Arsene Wenger has ever done. I'm going with latter.<br />
<br />
Prediction: Gareth Bale - 3. Arsenal - 1. Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-20270078484669502352013-03-01T23:48:00.000-05:002013-03-02T00:50:25.785-05:00The Better Late Than Never PredictionsThose of you in Blighty are no doubt slumbering peacefully away on the eve of yet another Premier League Saturday...or you're not and you're out carousing with the boys (or ladies) and more than a few pints in. In any case, you're not reading this right now. Consider it a morning gift and/or hangover remedy left in the still of night by yours truly. I'm like football blogging Santa.<br />
<br />
Those of you on this side of the Atlantic, well, what's your excuse? It's Friday night! I know because I'm doing this rather than making any number of much more questionable although undoubtedly more fun decisions all for the benefit of you dear readers. I'm like football blogging Jesus.<br />
<br />
Santa and Jesus. I'll take that.<br />
<br />
On to the predictions!<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Chelsea take on West Brom</span> in a match that will no doubt attract even a neutral's eye after Rafa went <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIh7PVrsG-k">Waterboy</a></i>, snapped, and leveled his shoulder on everyone from the Blues' fans to the Chelsea boardroom. I can't say I blame him or even that he's wrong, but wow. Anyone else get the feeling that Chelsea's season may be one or two losses from a spectacular, flaming train wreck to be played out in the season's remaining press conferences, tabloids, and rumor mills?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCi0q6l_kOPir4TF2uMGxJuyfH2IVC9Yy3YPNuVmvfW51bz6Z0562HlzbhBqGmpTIiTmlzynyuOomd7V7XQl5DZXXNc_bbDNTL_rZBmLezClS2JmGyevaNVS8VV3HUmvdxHW1IDJ5_-Sg/s1600/_66112900_mmbenitezpic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCi0q6l_kOPir4TF2uMGxJuyfH2IVC9Yy3YPNuVmvfW51bz6Z0562HlzbhBqGmpTIiTmlzynyuOomd7V7XQl5DZXXNc_bbDNTL_rZBmLezClS2JmGyevaNVS8VV3HUmvdxHW1IDJ5_-Sg/s320/_66112900_mmbenitezpic.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rafa Benitez is not impressed</td></tr>
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The best thing Chelsea have going for them this weekend is that Romelu Lukaku is ineligible to play against his parent club. Beyond that, you can bet the atmosphere at Stamford Bridge will be considerably unwelcoming to Rafa and populated by the Boo Bird's predatory raptor cousin.<br />
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To Chelsea fans, I'd love to say the leadership and quality in the side will buckle down, play for one another, and kick on, but it would be disingenuous and against type for me to do so. Remember the whole "Santa Jesus" thing. That's why I'm right off the bat using my <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzbhbetwYFU">William J. La Petomane Insane Prediction Of The Week</a>! I call a 1-0 Baggies win with more gnashing of teeth and finger pointing in the post match interviews.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Everton and Reading</span> square off at Goodison Park and both teams are in need of a win but for entirely different reasons. The Toffees began the campaign like a house on fire but have recently struggled to find their previously scintillating form and are coming off a FA Cup win against lowly Oldham that should have been done and dusted a couple of weeks ago.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Y7drBcvmPGziNzLnrOL7VZnzCYmV5cVBmoswFOZo2uYGX_zdPwZjgb4PCtfDeLelXJJapatMq6tLhYtn0qSFQ3M4WdNnoSZwntuXFGDlFh5cmkEsDqOErTsfbWrlFTyf-z9L_xjsSmY/s1600/2418670-drago.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Y7drBcvmPGziNzLnrOL7VZnzCYmV5cVBmoswFOZo2uYGX_zdPwZjgb4PCtfDeLelXJJapatMq6tLhYtn0qSFQ3M4WdNnoSZwntuXFGDlFh5cmkEsDqOErTsfbWrlFTyf-z9L_xjsSmY/s320/2418670-drago.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Clearly, the resemblance is uncanny</td></tr>
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Reading find themselves at the foot of the table, but only just. With some help in the other matches, they could pop out of the relegation zone with a win tomorrow, but they'll have to do it without Pavel Pogrebnyak who went Drago in last weekend's loss to Wigan. On paper, this should be a relatively easy Everton win, but there are goals in this Reading side and Everton have been suspiciously generous in the back, especially late on in matches. I think the Toffees storm out to an early lead only to get pegged back by Reading to set up a grandstand finish. 2-1, Everton.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Manchester United</span> are the only side in the perennial frontrunners to yet show any semblance of the yips. They see off inferior sides and find a way to win against the other frontrunners. Whether it's 73 year old Ryan Giggs smacking one in with his ivory headed cane, hirsute Wayne Rooney cannoning in a screamer from the edge of the box, equine Robin Van Persie scoring for fun, or even Rafael blacking out and murdering a 25 yard scud into the top corner, United always seem to find the goals to win.<br />
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And speaking of "finding the goals to win," whatever Chris Hughton has done to the Canaries in recent weeks (ostensibly not using them to warn miners of impeding death), has worked wonders. This side has come a long way from the team who were thrashed by Fulham 5-0 to start the season. If <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Norwich</span> find themselves down a goal with 10 minutes left to play, David de Gea will get ample opportunity against the likes of Grant Holt and Kai Kamara to prove that he's gotten over his callow attempts to claim crosses. I don't think it gets that nervy, but I also think Norwich are good for at least a goal in this contest. 2-1, United. <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Southampton entertain QPR</span> on Saturday and it looks for all the world to me like the Harry Redknapp effect has earned its few points and normalcy has returned. "Normalcy" being QPR's complete inability to execute even the basic fundamentals of sound defense while setting new standards for futility in the attacking end of the pitch.<br />
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That said, Southampton, while a little more than occasionally playing some fine attacking soccer, are also prone to a little more than occasionally pulling a Jos Hooiveld, even when it's not Jos Hooiveld executing the aforementioned Jos Hooiveld maneuver. I think there are goals in this one. 4-2, Southampton.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Murder Incorporated (aka Stoke City) play host to West Ham</span> and all bets are off given the injuries and suspensions affecting players from both sides. Robert Huth is out for Stoke after trying to rearrange Philippe Senderos's face with his forearm in last weekend's match against Fulham (couldn't have made him uglier) , although given that they seem to have an entire squad of meat fisted center backs at their disposal, I don't think this hurts Stoke too much. West Ham are at a considerably more significant loss as Kevin Nolan is set to miss the match with a broken toe and Mark Noble has hurt his arm.<br />
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With West Ham missing arguably their two best midfielders and coming off a heart breaking loss to Gareth Bale, I think Stoke finally get back to winning ways and probably break a few legs along the way. Stoke for the 1-0 win.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Sunderland v Fulham</span> represents a chance for the Cottagers to avenge the thumping they received from the Black Cats earlier in the season at Craven Cottage and also build on last week's victory over Stoke. I think they have every opportunity to do this against an underachieving Sunderland side, but as a Fulham supporter, I am immune to confidence and find optimism generally distasteful.<br />
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To me, the lynchpin to a successful Fulham side lies in Dimitar Berbatov's ability/desire/discipline to stay farther up the pitch than he has a tendency to do. In lieu of that, Fulham need to play with two out-and-out strikers to compensate for Berbatov's dalliances into the midfield. Given that this match is away from home, I don't think Martin Jol will start two dedicated forwards. This leaves me praying that Berbatov will draw a lesson from the Fulham "Harlem Shake" video (scroll down) and calmly occupy space in the attacking third while the other ten Fulham players go apeshit around him winning the ball, pressing Sunderland, and finding the Bulgarian in space between the Sunderland center backs. Even if all of that does come to pass, I'm still wary of Adam Johnson, Steven Fletcher, Stephane Sessegnon, and Danny Graham...and Philippe Senderos's one required moment of lunacy. Does a 1-1 draw sound about right to anyone else?<br />
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In Saturday's most tantalizing match, newly laden with silverware <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Swansea play host to Nouveau Chateau (aka Newcastle)</span>. This could be a really exciting match for the neutral viewer. Now that I've written that it will most probably end 0-0 and have all the drama and intrigue of your grandparent's sex life. Let's hope not.<br />
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Swansea will be well rested and full of confidence after winning an uncontested Capital One Cup and Newcastle are playing some of the most powerful and pleasing football in the league at the moment. I'm honestly at a total loss on this one. I call 3-3 in a classic, borderline William J. La Petomane Insane Prediction.<br />
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And in Saturday's final match, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Liverpool travel to Wigan</span> in a battle of ex Swansea managers, ex Swansea managers who did an excellent job setting the table for Michael Laudrup. Martinez has been trying to set his Wigan table with plastic forks, chopsticks, paper plates, a towel and a cookie tray for the last few years (and made some delicious meals in spite of these presentational limitations) and Brendan Rodgers has a table cluttered with fine china, doilies, real silver silverware, and an enormous centerpiece, but can't keep his hollandaise from separating.<br />
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Wigan throttled Reading last weekend and helped only half of my WJL Insane Prediction come true while Liverpool are coming off a similar demolition of the Swans. I see Liverpool the more likely of the two sides to continue their run of form as I think Rodgers is finally starting to put some delicious dishes in those expensive platters. Liverpool, 3-0.<br />
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Have a wonderful Saturday! <br />
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<br />Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-11009345527687385592013-02-28T22:25:00.001-05:002013-02-28T22:25:29.326-05:00Looks Like The Locker Room is Not In Fact All Doom And Gloom<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9RRZV-7nY30" width="480"></iframe><br />
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If you've not yet seen this, behold. I'm still not sold on the Berbatov/Jol/Fulham marriage (I mean, for one, it's polygamy), but I'm happy to see Fulham doing what any good, sensible, and functional group of young men on an sports team in this moment in time should do. That's right, a Harlem Shake video. Carry on, indeed.Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-90420600043062551102013-02-24T02:23:00.001-05:002013-02-24T03:10:46.356-05:00Pump The Brakes: A Closer Look at Fulham's Win Against StokeNo one wants to be That Guy.<br />
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Your buddy asks out the girl of his dreams, she says yes, and That Guy chimes in with the who, where, and when of everyone else she's ever slept with.<br />
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You get the job of your dreams and That Guy can't help but remind you of the attrition rate and low pay.<br />
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You and your wife get pregnant and That Guy takes the opportunity to relay to you the frequency of autism cases in today's newborns. 1 in 100, father of Rainman.<br />
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Basically, That Guy pisses on your leg and calls it rain, shits in your hand and calls it a free lunch, and generally shoots a hole in every dream you've tentatively floated to the heavens.<br />
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I don't want to be That Guy. Really and truly.<br />
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Regular readers of the blog are no strangers to my feelings regarding a one Dimitar Berbatov and his importance to Fulham Football Club. For those less informed, I proffer the following: Dimitar Berbatov is a silky conductor of a game written in a time signature known only to him. His genius is unparalleled. His touch is a whisper in a smoke filled speakeasy. His brilliance is a noble rot appreciated by only the most discerning of palates. His treatment of the game is urbane, arrogant, stubborn, and beautiful in a way that Van Gogh, Poe, and Cobain would applaud between quaffs of absinthe and knowing nods in recognition of another artist's genius. In short, Dimitar Berbatov is a superlative talent in a fallible construct. He's Will Hunting in South Boston. Banksy in Bristol. James Agee in Knoxville, Tennessee.<br />
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He's Dimitar Berbatov in West London.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESy5AeOf2oKTS7GoGkiqk4zs62Tacd5ZgqTwHufhDn48zRNppquye99maa-tp36Jz_HuBFhiyew2hlN4rdLPK3lW51ky2ktWBCL5-FPqB6zp2Q01x0lFfVDsrtUdCffsc47wVSD98it8/s1600/fulham.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESy5AeOf2oKTS7GoGkiqk4zs62Tacd5ZgqTwHufhDn48zRNppquye99maa-tp36Jz_HuBFhiyew2hlN4rdLPK3lW51ky2ktWBCL5-FPqB6zp2Q01x0lFfVDsrtUdCffsc47wVSD98it8/s320/fulham.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A virtuoso in a garage band. </td></tr>
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I write this a number of hours after Berbatov's genius strike sank Stoke City on the banks of the Thames and consigned Tony Pulis's army of Uruk Hai to a Saturday without points and sent Fulham fans into an ecstasy of plaudits that has yet to die down. All day I've read tweet after tweet and article after article and headline after headline recounting Berbatov's quality in Saturday's match and his primacy to a Fulham squad stuck somewhere in the liminal zone between relegation contenders and Premier League competents. I remain unconvinced.<br />
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I recognize that this position is unpopular amongst Fulham fans and respect the points and counter points posited by the Cottagers faithful, but I also cannot quietly acquiesce to the status quo even in the aftermath of a much needed, appreciated, and delicious three points gained.<br />
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On Saturday Stoke City began the match at Craven Cottage playing three at the back. Geoff Cameron, Stoke's usual right back, was deployed by Tony Pulis as a reserved striker supporting Peter Crouch while Matthew Etherington and Jonathan Walters were deployed as left and right wing players respectively. I'm no fan of Stoke's traditional style of leg breaking, long ball attrition, but I respect Tony Pulis and his record as a manager and I have to give a begrudging measure of respect to a side that has managed a healthy run in the Premier League despite playing a style of football most fans of the game consider anathema to common decency. Pulis succeeds with what he's been given and maximizes his side's strengths with savvy personnel decisions and tactical nous. For a manager of Pulis's pedigree to run out a side such as the one he deployed on Saturday, he must have thought two things. One: The further back I can push messrs Ruiz and Berbatov the more I limit their effectiveness. Two: Fulham lack the pace and guile to warrant me playing anything but three central defenders across my back line. <br />
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As we now know, Pulis's gamble didn't work, but it didn't work in part because Matthew Etherington pulled up lame in the opening salvos of the match and Steven N'Zonzi found himself with a broken nose and a spot in Lee Probert's book midway through the first half. Pulis then had to readjust his formation after he was forced to bring on a Premier League debutante in Brek Shea who, until the second half, looked considerably off the pace and then, after Berbatov's wonder strike, was left chasing the game and threw Cameron Jerome and Kenwyne Jones onto the pitch in an effort to limit the damages.<br />
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How many saves was Asmir Begovic forced to make in Saturday's match? Other than Berbatov's game winner and Karagounis's set piece screamer, was there a single strike that significantly troubled the in demand Bosnian?<br />
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Stoke are a known quantity. They sit deep, hoof the ball forward, and kick and gouge their way to respectable finishes year after year. After Etherington's departure Saturday, Stoke sat deeper than they probably would have before Etherington left the pitch. Fulham were allowed to ping the ball around in front of the Potters' defense and carry it into the attacking third mostly because Stoke allowed them to do so and were trying to scrap a draw out of an away fixture after they'd lost an attacking player to injury and seen a needed covering player booked for a momentary loss of his wits. Berbatov's goal didn't come from any particular genius in attack, build up play, or pace, but rather from a violent moment of artistry from a gifted but horribly flawed albatross.<br />
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Aside from the goal, I would suggest that Fulham's play in the match was somewhat limited to clever passes in the middle third with very little end product. Additionally, the most dangerous moments in the match came courteous initially of a pressing attack made up of makeshift frontrunners and then, after Etherington's departure, of a strong, physical side pressing for an equalizer. What does this narrative look like if Schwarzer doesn't save Walters's penalty or if Crouch finishes the gilt edged chance gifted to him by Senderos?<br />
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Fulham have yet to play Chelsea, Spurs, Arsenal, Everton, and Liverpool and six of their remaining eleven fixtures are away from home. Berbatov was able to finish his glorious goal on Saturday in part because Stoke were essentially conceding the pitch to the Cottagers all the way to their own penalty area and N'Zonzi, Shawcross, and Wilson all had found their way into Probert's little black book. I doubt injury and cautions will be so kind to Fulham in the remaining fixtures.<br />
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Berbatov is an incredible talent - a Champagne footballer - but all is not yet right with the Cottagers and tougher challenges await. The need for a penetrating striker and/or pacey wingers to stretch a defense remains unaddressed and Martin Jol thus far appears content to roll out a side incapable of producing anything other than a prayed for Berbatov master stroke. 1-0 against a Stoke side depleted through injury and cautions does not safety make. <br />
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<br />Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-29070679306001159952013-02-22T21:00:00.000-05:002013-02-22T21:00:01.218-05:00The Uruk Hai, Predator, "B" Words Premier League PredictionsWhat a week-and-a-half it's been. I spent most of it in a fever dream hacking up 2/3 of a lung and blowing a brownish material the viscosity of honey from my nose, but apparently a lot happened in the football world as well.<br />
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Namely, AC Milan took a 2-0 aggregate lead in their first leg Champions League match against Barcelona and caused most Pompey fans to experience a sudden spike in their experience of anti-schadenfreude. Seriosuly, can you imagine supporting a club in the throes of an epic financial implosion that is seeing them nosedive in a flaming clusterfuck of failures down the league structure while two of your old boys lead a famous club to a famous win over a considerably more famous club in the most famous club competition in the world; a competition your club will likely never again even get a sniff at? It's enough to make your heart arrhythmically beat the Chimes of Pompey. Pouring one out for the Southcoasters as I write this.<br />
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What I didn't miss was much Premier League action. Praise Jesus. Eventually, I'll get around to figuring out what my record is in Premier League predictions this season, but I can tell you now without even crunching the numbers that it's pretty good. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but *toot, toot*.<br />
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So what's on tap for tomorrow?<br />
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Well, the early kickoff sees <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Fulham play host to Stoke City</span>. What is there to say about Stoke that hasn't been said already before? Well, how about this: Stoke City are like an army of Uruk Hai marauding through the Premier League by surviving on the entrails of those poor Men, Elves, and Hobbits they've kicked to death. That and absolute evil. Mostly absolute evil. I mean, what is that freaking towel-sewn-into-the-jersey thing but absolute evil. It's gimmicky and frustrating and amateurish and it makes my blood boil that it's actually effective sometimes. Mercifully, they've not used it much this year, but they still have Ryan Shawcross and I can't stand Ryan Shawcross. Also, I'm a Fulham fan so take everything I've just written with a Wife of Lot sized grain of salt.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDBHVpHSbdNsHlaoucRqmzHm0IJdPj64N6xGKaY0v2hCSJsUWsGwOW4Sv2MIeMqHtUSt8FUtiyhvuFBBfUCWcR5qXoyUzKre4MbGY8Cnc7tZ0YtUtizgtv488VUTia8UfQOO_rWCpus_s/s1600/uruk-hai-movie-sms-0109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDBHVpHSbdNsHlaoucRqmzHm0IJdPj64N6xGKaY0v2hCSJsUWsGwOW4Sv2MIeMqHtUSt8FUtiyhvuFBBfUCWcR5qXoyUzKre4MbGY8Cnc7tZ0YtUtizgtv488VUTia8UfQOO_rWCpus_s/s400/uruk-hai-movie-sms-0109.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stoke center back Ryan Shawcross</td></tr>
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I want to predict a comfortable Fulham win, but as was discussed on the Cottage Talk podcast earlier today, Martin Jol has yet to figure out the most effective combination for Fulham's attack. As was mentioned on the show, on the one hand it's reassuring that Jol realizes this is an issue. On the other hand, ummm, it's almost March. I feel somewhat like I'm beating a dead horse here, but we lack the combination of pace and guile on the wings to afford us the luxury of playing with two number 10s, and maybe even one number 10. Additionally, Fulham offer next to nothing going forward if a striker a la Hugo Rodallega isn't played in an advanced role.<br />
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Hopefully, Jol doesn't go with the 4-6-0 he's deployed all too often this season and Fulham are able to take advantage of a suddenly leaky Potters' defense. I'll call a 2-1 Fulham win with one Stoke Uruk Hai seeing red. I don't think they'll be able to resist kicking Berbatov. God knows I couldn't.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Arsenal take on Aston Villa </span>on Saturday as well. The good news for the Gunners is that Aston Villa does not start with the letter "B". Bradford, Blackburn, and Bayern have all recently taken it to The Arsenal and, having just finished reading <i>Soccernomics</i>, I know Arsene Wenger to be a huge fan of statistics. Rest easy, Arsene, there's not a "B" in sight...unless you count Villa being from <b>B</b>irmingham and employing the <b>B</b>elgian <b>B</b>enteke. Fuck! Still, Arsenal can't lose this one, can they? I call Arsenal 3-1 victors.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPwPqyw3-H5o9NgQRRNbxWB-ZKtmNL4Gdrx-4onUDp9H4VW2Wjl4kxC_cIf5BBaIKtxxjCPWexklZzxBK30rVv-Q3sxxmkVEpPlvDrJOK_O7S3lA4SEP4X5Cci5WLCyBXFF5S5oejRegU/s1600/_65255051_158731061.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPwPqyw3-H5o9NgQRRNbxWB-ZKtmNL4Gdrx-4onUDp9H4VW2Wjl4kxC_cIf5BBaIKtxxjCPWexklZzxBK30rVv-Q3sxxmkVEpPlvDrJOK_O7S3lA4SEP4X5Cci5WLCyBXFF5S5oejRegU/s320/_65255051_158731061.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grant Holt: Predator lust porn</td></tr>
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In another 3:00PM kickoff, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Norwich play host to Everton</span>. It's tough not to read too much into Everton's collapse against Oldham in the FA Cup and I have to admit I'm tempted. Weaker opponent, away fixture, physical team who can throw a big body into the box? I hate to say it, but I see this ending in a 1-1 draw. Jelavic has gone off the boil and it seems just like Everton to travel to a weaker team and only manage a draw. All bets are off, however, if The Predator lands at Carrow Road as he'll immediately hunt down Grant Holt and his massive trophy skull. Let me know ASAP if it's warmer than usual in Norwich tomorrow morning.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Manchester United travel to Queens Park Rangers</span> and are looking to avoid being yet another of the Premier League elite to fall victim to Harry Redknapp and his financially unsustainable menagerie of pensioners. The timing of this fixture benefits Manchester United as there's no way they will be surprised by what QPR can offer. Also, the fact that Manchester United is Manchester United and have thus far proven to be the only Premier League side not prone to the occasional embarrassing hiccup bodes well for the Red Devils. Even though United look to be without the services of Wayne Rooney who has been laid low with a case of the sniffles (I feel your pain, Wayne!), I still think United rolls here. 3-0 Man U.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">Reading play host to Wigan</span> and my nonsexual mancrush, Roberto Martinez. In campaigns past, this match would have all the allure of a documentary about llamas on a Sunday afternoon on PBS. For most people it probably still does, but I'm prone to believe that there are goals in this match. What's that sound? You guessed it! It's the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">William J. Le Petomane Insane Prediction of the Week</span>. I'm calling an edge of the seat, grandstand finish, women swooning, dogs and cats living together, goals bonanza. Why? I have no idea. 3-3. Epic.<br />
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In Saturday's final match, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">West Bromwich Albion take on Sunderland</span>. This is really the tale of two strikers. Can Romelu Lukaku have more of an effect on the day's events than Steven Fletcher? At home, I'm inclined to think that he can. My caveat to this is if Steve Clarke does indeed decide to recall Peter Odemwingie. I can see this going one of two ways, but never the twain shall meet. One: Peter "Don't You Want Me, Baby" Odemwingie is called upon to provide a spark for the Baggies but is booed so mercilessly he sucks the wind out of the West Brom cause and Sunderland steals some points. Two: Peter "Sign Me Maybe" Odemwingie is called upon to provide a spark for the Baggies cause and is booed so mercilessly he finds that extra gear to stick one in shut the up the home supporters. My call? 1-1.<br />
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Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-86218777927725700372013-02-09T23:51:00.003-05:002013-02-09T23:52:53.360-05:00Premier League Predictions for Sunday, 2/10/13If I start this post by saying that I was <i>this close</i> to calling Southampton v Manchester City as my William J. Le Petomane insane prediction of the week, no one will believe me. But I should point out that both of QPR's recent massive results against Chelsea and the aforementioned Citeh were called by yours truly. Lend me any credibility? Didn't think so.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow plays host to only two matches. First on the docket is <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Aston Villa v West Ham United</span>. Anyone who can call Villa's results this season is either a master of the dark arts or is in possession of the most finely tuned Magic 8 Ball this world has ever seen. My call? Reply is hazy, try again later...<br />
<br />
...It's "later" and I still have zero idea. West Ham can't score away from home and Aston Villa have only undercut their away form with their decidedly poor showings at home. I like Villa to make a run at staying up and predict a 2-1 Villa win.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFpuKKTRQIwe2-8dL5Md41uNut_vAgY-hzIFKIDoesHv3HB6IEGhx0AZ5TD7dUkikvtKT71ij3egsWkqppDb_N_frU1sWy02bkeL4swe4Wl9DQhyphenhyphenm_779Ul7wK5HrGD67yam08jkyAtKk/s1600/Manchester_United_Champions_2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFpuKKTRQIwe2-8dL5Md41uNut_vAgY-hzIFKIDoesHv3HB6IEGhx0AZ5TD7dUkikvtKT71ij3egsWkqppDb_N_frU1sWy02bkeL4swe4Wl9DQhyphenhyphenm_779Ul7wK5HrGD67yam08jkyAtKk/s400/Manchester_United_Champions_2011.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Too soon?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In Sunday's other match, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Manchester United takes on Everton</span> at Old Trafford. The corresponding fixture last season ended 4-4 after a breathless 90 minutes that eventually helped derail United's bid for the league title. With City slipping up today against Southampton, United have a chance to effectively end their neighbor's bid to keep the title in the blue half of Manchester and essentially make the rest of the drama of the 2012-13 season about Champions League spots and relegation battles. Of all the sides in the league, the Red Devils seem the least susceptible to unexpected hiccups and I think they put the Premier League on ice tomorrow. 2-1, United. But wouldn't a Toffees win be delicious? Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-88857820924413349082013-02-09T03:15:00.001-05:002013-02-09T23:53:05.236-05:00Premier League Predictions for Saturday, 2/9/13Play match. Pack bags. Disperse to all corners of the world. Play match. Pack bags. Return to club. Play match.<br />
<br />
That's pretty much the last week in the life of a national team soccer player playing in the Premier League and the results from this weekend's fixture list will undoubtedly illustrate how grueling a lifestyle this is to lead. Heavy legs, knocks, jet lag, and rumbly basements (read: tropically induced intestinal trouble) will conspire to sprinkle throughout the team sheets a number of unusual players in unusual positions. Or they won't and instead will conspire to create some unusual performances from usually stellar players. It all makes for great viewing.<br />
<br />
The predictions:<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFpstvq26o1G0uRh3c5Ve-yNUA7gvNWRPGBBfmkWm97rqC47KCPv76WBsfhk3BT3mN2l5YoGasyxQcVZr74JwZ6WZxCIlkTOfGJCaeFSbq6eY8AWsRPouVXrUHIyobSlnNFHD6xEUiJA/s1600/le_petomane.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFpstvq26o1G0uRh3c5Ve-yNUA7gvNWRPGBBfmkWm97rqC47KCPv76WBsfhk3BT3mN2l5YoGasyxQcVZr74JwZ6WZxCIlkTOfGJCaeFSbq6eY8AWsRPouVXrUHIyobSlnNFHD6xEUiJA/s320/le_petomane.jpg" width="232" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"3-2?! Have you gone Berserk?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u>Tottenham v Newcastle</u></span> - The French Revival is well and truly underway for Monsieur (De)Pardew's Newcastle squad and I don't see that slowing down. Tottenham are well up the table, but aren't exactly setting the world on fire with their attacking performances. Clint Dempsey just played 90 minutes in a Honduran sauna, Gareth Bale led Wales to a win over Austria, and Emmanuel Adebayor is barely back from the African Cup of Nations. Newcastle had their own stars away on national team duty, notably Yohan Cabaye and Moussa <br />
Sissoko, but I feel like the pointy end of Tottenham's spear will be rather duller than the pointy end of Newcastle's...even at White Hart Lane. This leads me to this week's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzbhbetwYFU">Governor William J. Le Petomane Insane Prediciton of the Week</a> (And right out of the gates too!): Newcastle to win 3-2. AVB's beard at three days' growth.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u>Chelsea v Wigan</u></span> - My love affair with Roberto Martinez is long and well documented, but with center back issues and the fact that Roberto Martinez still manages Wigan, I don't see the Latics getting anything here...unless they break Demba Ba's nose for the second week in a row. Chelsea to win 3-0.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHagwsk9ANJMzOKXRFOHM0f_lZpz-9-RvjGQ2aEer5gBDRe89nko-2jlYQB1Vx-UhEKkhJkFKnQKUxiwxz9Kot9KmpW9S66INMk82coLUuxfblgLTw_wTQRiwe8SOmnE4QcsZE8A104pA/s1600/rodallega_1588700a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHagwsk9ANJMzOKXRFOHM0f_lZpz-9-RvjGQ2aEer5gBDRe89nko-2jlYQB1Vx-UhEKkhJkFKnQKUxiwxz9Kot9KmpW9S66INMk82coLUuxfblgLTw_wTQRiwe8SOmnE4QcsZE8A104pA/s320/rodallega_1588700a.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Please, Santo Jol, you need me up top!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u>Norwich v Fulham</u></span> - In their first meeting this season, Fulham torched the Canaries 5-0. Phil Mison at ESPN wrote a great <a href="http://soccernet.espn.go.com/blog/_/name/fulham?cc=5901">recipe for canary dinner</a>, but I'm not sure I share his optimism. I've been critical of Dimitar Berbatov and the way he is deployed for the Cottagers, especially against superior sides. Norwich is certainly not that, but in the last two matches, both played at Craven Cottage, Fulham has looked much brighter and more confident going forward. In the West Ham match, I attribute this to Martin Jol playing two strikers. In the Manchester United match, I attribute this to Jol not being able to select Berbatov. I suspect Fulham may travel to Carrow Road and revert to the one striker system, in which case Norwich gets the win 2-1. If, on the other hand, Jol bucks up or if Berbatov doesn't pass his late fitness test, Fulham draws 2-2. Gah! Pick one! As much as it pains me, Canaries win 2-1.<br />
<br />
<u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Stoke v Reading</span></u> - When did the Potters decide to start letting in a shit ton of goals? A month ago Asmir Begovic watched his defenders kick, punch, eye gouge, and generally brutalize everything that came near his goal. The Britannia was a fortress. Now it's sort of a decorative shed with a bronzed rooster on top of it. Against Reading, however, I see Stoke getting back to winning ways. 1-0 Potters.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u>Sunderland v Arsenal</u></span> - I grow weary even thinking about predicting Arsenal matches. Also, I grow weary of Arsenal fans dissecting my Arsenal predictions. How's this one, Gooners? Arsenal 2-1.<br />
<br />
<u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Swansea v QPR</span></u> - I'll be a monkey's uncle. Here we are in February and QPR are showing signs of life. Granted, it's life that's come at an extraordinary premium, will probably still see the club go down, and then sink into the throes of financial ruin, but it sure as hell is fun to watch now! In the meantime, Swansea can't buy a goal. I call another draw for 'Arry's expensively assembled pensioners. 1-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><u>Southampton v Manchester City</u></span> - I think City knows Pepe Reina gifted them a lifeline in the Premier League chase and a slip up against Southampton is something they simply cannot afford. With Manchester United playing Everton this weekend, City will be hoping for a win and a United hiccup against a very capable Toffees side. I see at least half of that equation as a stone cold lock. Manchester City 2-0. <br />
<br />
<br />Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-12476261296114425432013-02-07T00:44:00.000-05:002013-02-07T10:00:26.986-05:00A Five Beer Analysis of The USMNT v Los CatrachosI'm currently coming down (up?) from the emotion of right about 6PM EST and I'm feeling tentatively capable of putting fingertip to keyboard in an effort to process some of my thoughts regarding the US Men's National Team's loss today to Los Catrachos. It helps that I have a six pack of Rogue Dead Guy Ale in the fridge. Well, a five pack anyway. One down.<br />
<br />
Two caveats:<br />
<br />
1. Due credit to Honduras. This Honduras side is not your grandfather's Honduras side. They qualified for the 2010 FIFA World Cup Finals and they seem dead set on repeating the feat in 2014. They are physical, fast, aggressive, and technically sound. Bonus points for having a jeans and faded polo wearing coach. He's like the anti Jose Mourinho. Many will decry the state of the pitch, the heat, and the humidity as being key, anti-US factors during today's match, but at this level, good teams should be able to overcome such discomforts and the Honduran players seemed to have absolutely no problem with the weather conditions.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-SDq-OmWop48sLToCvfWf362W1qowZuMsl_ufQNqnB13u66ifKoCWw8HBeB-IXl8yIgR4N2dDeFG27sEcx16VVyhFE9yV2nVuyHezEy6aSNmZ2dRDihdASHs8mg0GLut9-kHlNtuVmW4/s1600/roguedeadguy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-SDq-OmWop48sLToCvfWf362W1qowZuMsl_ufQNqnB13u66ifKoCWw8HBeB-IXl8yIgR4N2dDeFG27sEcx16VVyhFE9yV2nVuyHezEy6aSNmZ2dRDihdASHs8mg0GLut9-kHlNtuVmW4/s200/roguedeadguy.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mandatory equipment this evening. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
2. This isn't a death sentence for the USMNT. CONCACAF qualifying is a slog. There are no easy games in the hexagonal round and a 2-1 defeat to Honduras in San Pedro De Sula isn't the worst thing that could happen.<br />
<br />
Now that we have some perspective, let's talk about the match in a level-headed, sensible manner.<br />
<br />
WHAT THE FUCK WAS JURGEN KLINSMANN THINKING?!?!?!<br />
<br />
I mean, good God, you've only days before fielded an entirely experimental side against a distinctly inferior opponent and called for calm in the wake of a horrifically amateurish performance using the excuse that it was an entirely experimental side in a nothing match and you were using the opportunity to bleed some young players into the full national team. Today, you run out Tim Chandler and Omar Gonzalez, two peripheral personalities in the full national side and you expected them to perform like precision machined replacement parts in a well oiled machine?<br />
<br />
I mean, all week we've been hearing about San Pedro De Sula and how dangerous it is and about how passionate the Honduran fans are and about how hot and humid it is and about how CONCACAF qualifying is a long, arduous, difficult process and about how Grant Wahl was mugged there moments after meeting the Honduran president and about how important senior leadership is in away qualifying matches and about how Grant Wahl can't leave his hotel room and about how huge the strides are that Los Catrachos have taken in the last six years and did I mention how many times Grant Wahl has personally related his story about being mugged there?! And in response, we run out a starting XI that, while not experimental in formation, was decidedly experimental in personnel selection?<br />
<br />
Hang on. I'm headed to the fridge for another beer.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
Listen, I still have faith in the USMNT's ability to qualify for the World Cup in Brazil, but today's match, for me, was less about an undesirable outcome and more about the odd player selection and the manner in which said players were deployed. With Grant Wahl's unintentional help, I think we've established how difficult CONCACAF qualifying matches are when they're played away from home. In these sorts of situations, veteran leaders are necessarily relied upon for their experience, leadership, and general unflappability. Why Omar Gonzalez was starting in central defense next to Geoff Cameron, a player who hasn't played at center back for a considerable amount of time, is beyond me. Carlos Bocanegra is getting long in the tooth and Gonzalez would appear to be the future, but in this sort of match I want and need Bocanegra's experience and maturity marshaling the back line. On Honduras' first goal, I'm pretty sure Boca would have gone ahead and closed the service after the corner kick instead of tepidly running out to the left edge of the eighteen, having a think, and then crawfishing his way back into the area to nearly get kicked in the face while Juan Garcia posterized him.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-vej1E4iRW1-dqHEvxRobGpyTGla57gvxTKfv0vVCVG0m3yShYRvH3t_9x6BDvwQFx6x9hB39ytuun7oSYT9rlo9A1DTUFxu-QVgQSRGYup7QLUhisK2X7hlOUmd0X7MJW2vik6pDtw/s1600/timmy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-vej1E4iRW1-dqHEvxRobGpyTGla57gvxTKfv0vVCVG0m3yShYRvH3t_9x6BDvwQFx6x9hB39ytuun7oSYT9rlo9A1DTUFxu-QVgQSRGYup7QLUhisK2X7hlOUmd0X7MJW2vik6pDtw/s320/timmy.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tim Chandler: Cap tied. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The absence of Steve Cherundolo is more excusable as the right back stalwart and seemingly ageless wonder was ruled out of this match through injury. Having said that, watching Tim Chandler awkwardly run about and look totally out of his depth had me thinking, "This is what all the teeth gnashing was about? No wonder Germany didn't lock him up." He was more Timmy Burch from <i>Southpark</i> than Tim Chandler, saviour of American soccer's right flank. That was a short honeymoon. Chandler is cap-tied now and needs to get his shit in one sock ASAP. I know one game does not a career make, but Chandler looked consistently exposed, gassed, out paced, and decidedly un-Cherundolo like. There was a moment about three fourths of the way through the first half when Chandler was closing the ball down the right flank that I seriously thought was going to end with him on his back and a defibrillator hustled out onto the field. In a team that looked like it was playing underwater, Chandler looked like the manatee.<br />
<br />
Hang on. That manatee reference made me thirsty.<br />
<br />
Where were we? Ah, yes, the defense. Geoff Cameron is a legitimate talent and an incredibly versatile player. As <a href="http://www.blogger.com/theshinguardian.com">The Shin Guardian</a> would say, "He's a peanut butter kind of player." That is to say, he's versatile, smooth, and capable of holding different parts of the field cohesively together. While this is true, Cameron has been recently deployed for both club and country as a right back, center back, defensive midfielder, and attacking midfielder, it doesn't mean that he's particularly world class yet at any one position. Next to someone with the experience and leadership of Carlos Bocanegra, playing Cameron at center back is a calculated risk. Playing him at center back in an away qualifying match next to a green international is bat shit crazy.<br />
<br />
On Honduras' second goal, Cameron failed to deal with a through ball he probably should have. In another match, maybe he gets away with it if his partner in central defense is alert to the possibility that things don't always go as planned and, hey, the ball could wind up on a platter for the guy I'm supposed to be marking. *Cough*, Omar Gonzalez. I think Bocanegra probably helps deal with that situation either by screaming his head off to make sure Cameron knows he has to deal with the ball or by tracking all the way back to cover behind the onrushing Tim Howard. Either way, he doesn't pull an Omar Gonzalez, start to track his man, think better of it, immediately regret his decision, and then wind up lunging desperately at the ball as Jerry Bengston scores the easiest goal of his international career.<br />
<br />
Fuck. Fridge time.<br />
<br />
There were some bright spots. Tim Howard did what Tim Howard does and can hardly be faulted on at least the first goal. Clint Dempsey scored a beautiful volley off a lovely chipped pass from Jermaine Jones. Seriously, it's a small thing, but the technique required to turn his foot over to hit that ball with his instep rather than the side of his foot is to be applauded. Classy finish. Jozy Altidore, although he had a serious drought of service, showed enough effort and desire to defend from the front that I think he may have taken to heart what is required to start for a national team. Midway through the first half, he chased a lost ball and put in a hard tackle to force a Honduras throw deep in their defensive third rather than allow the easy clearance back up the field. It sucks that I'm referencing Altidore slide tackles as bright spots, but I'm trying to stay away from the refrigerator for a couple of paragraphs.<br />
<br />
Take aways from this match? A lot of attention has been directed at the defense and how it needs to adjust and improve with the looming retirements of Carlos Bocanegra and Steve Cherundolo. I don't think that attention has been unwarranted and this afternoon's showing did nothing to assuage any fears. We're not blessed with a high capacity pipeline of players who can immediately plug into the national team set up. Gonzalez and Chandler have potential, but they aren't there quite yet and were cruelly exposed today.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCu913PAleVb0XFeqAwEM9AmdqGinfR1KgwbbDNVIeU-ecMdLW-eaBRjVbFe_9ZdqJQ3ExwwWRUTbHjRkL7HslL1qJ28k_cJZGPonWb8XJXxXHpZP6gVfbHcas1qrflt8NA3vjMVEDkto/s1600/donovan-beach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCu913PAleVb0XFeqAwEM9AmdqGinfR1KgwbbDNVIeU-ecMdLW-eaBRjVbFe_9ZdqJQ3ExwwWRUTbHjRkL7HslL1qJ28k_cJZGPonWb8XJXxXHpZP6gVfbHcas1qrflt8NA3vjMVEDkto/s320/donovan-beach.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"How was the game, guys?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
An equally pressing matter perhaps, is the lack of out-and-out wide players on the squad who can serve a ball and stretch a defense both horizontally and vertically. In the 4-3-1-2 the United States started in, with Eddie Johnson playing an odd left sided striker/winger combo role, the team seemed narrow and easily closed down (Landon Donovan). Klinsmann undoubtedly was counting on Fabian Johnson and Tim Chandler (Landon Donovan) to provide some width, but neither of them was able to get into the attack effectively and generally showed no impetus to do so (Landon Donovan). With legitimate wide threats (Landon Donovan), Klinsmann could have made a tactical adjustment to take some of the possession pressure off of the central midfielders and pin the Honduran attack back on the flanks (Landon Donovan), but all that was in his back pocket was Graham Zusi and Sacha Kljestan (Landon Donovan), two players naturally suited and more comfortable with central roles. The result was predictable. Needing a goal late in the game, the US was unable to find any width, stretch the Honduran defense, or serve a single quality ball into a dangerous area (Landon Donovan). If only we had a seasoned international with pace and the ability to play on either flank and produce quality service. Maybe one of these days.<br />
<br />
Ugh. I want to end this with a carefully crafted and curled bow cascading in red, white, and blue, but I'm currently left with more questions than clear or even vaguely clear answers. Like I said before, today's result isn't a death sentence, but it was certainly an alarming knee-buckler. Here's to hoping we can get it sorted out. Was that a toast? I'm headed back to the fridge. <br />
<br />
<br />
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-55679168409793808222013-02-04T17:32:00.004-05:002013-02-09T03:58:55.642-05:00How to Fix The Fixing: A Problem With One Impossible SolutionThe European Police Intelligence Agency (Europol) announced the conclusion of a nineteen month investigation today at a press conference in which they revealed that 680 global matches from 2008 to 2011, including 380 matches in Europe and a Champions League match played in England, were deemed "suspicious of match fixing."<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuXJsAmaKLnmGc6GOmcHcj2nEdVEpoD7_OngF1ATHEgpAFlfajn1BEhXjWpaJArsrLjmK0quOKJ7NSNGOJzJwLy_x7fLICPV9GYelmUTzxDm5eLIow9uHh2RktMXEV0gC9MG91loFnE4Y/s1600/PDJ103-Netherlands%252BMatch%252BFi%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuXJsAmaKLnmGc6GOmcHcj2nEdVEpoD7_OngF1ATHEgpAFlfajn1BEhXjWpaJArsrLjmK0quOKJ7NSNGOJzJwLy_x7fLICPV9GYelmUTzxDm5eLIow9uHh2RktMXEV0gC9MG91loFnE4Y/s320/PDJ103-Netherlands%252BMatch%252BFi%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rob Wainright, Director of Europol, at The Hague today. (AP)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
You're wondering right now if you watched one of these matches, had a rooting interest in one of these matches, or if any high level talent was involved in one of these fixes. Statistically speaking, yes, yes, and yes.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Kind of a punch to the gut, no?<br />
<br />
While the average soccer fan would philosophically be able to wrap his/her mind around the fact that sporting events are bet on, and that because they are match fixing does take place, he/she would also probably balk at the suggestion that players from his/her club or national team or even referees in charge of matches in his/her league of choice were somehow involved. What we've found out today is that this is likely not the case.<br />
<br />
The number of matches deemed suspicious seems staggering, but callers for calm will undoubtedly point out that in only one Premier League season 780 matches are played. This investigation spans multiple years and, ostensibly, although Europol is being frustratingly vague with concern to the dirty details of the investigation, all levels of the professional game on a global scale. While this statement of scale is true, it assumes that the Europol investigation uncovered 100% of the incidences of match fixing and does nothing to address the incidences of corruption before 2008 or after 2011. In other words, the size of the problem is likely much, much bigger than the big problem Europol announced today.<br />
<br />
That's two punches to the gut.<br />
<br />
Moreover, the organization most likely tasked with undertaking the brunt of the work required to try to rid the game of match fixing scandals associated with betting is FIFA. Yes, notoriously corrupt, cronyism personified, forever-embroiled-in-its-own-bribery-du-jour scandal FIFA. Many will say, FIFA included, that this should be a joint law enforcement/governing body issue and that the quest to rid the game of match fixing requires strong legal action including arrests, convictions, and jail time, and while I agree with this, the logistical nightmare of arresting, extraditing, trying, and convicting those responsible for match fixing from amongst any one of dozens of countries all with their own laws, treaties, and varying levels of motivation to do so is staggering. As Declan Hill has repeatedly pointed out, both in his book <i>The Fix: Soccer and Organized Crime</i> and on his blog found at <a href="http://howtofixasoccergame.com/">Howtofixasoccergame.com</a>, knowing who is responsible for fixing the matches isn't the issue. Getting reluctant governments, who are reluctant for any one of a hundred reasons, to extradite wealthy, powerful organized crime bosses is another matter altogether.<br />
<br />
What will most likely happen is what typically happens in situations where an obscene amount of money, ill begotten, is at stake and institutions of public trust are in the balance. The midlevel guys will fry and the string pullers, the guys no one has ever heard of before, will walk. This looks like lifetime bans handed down from FIFA for players, coaches, and referees. Maybe a few guys in suits with expensive lawyers will face jail time. But the guys at the top, the <a href="http://www.scmp.com/sport/soccer/article/1141348/investigative-journalist-calls-arrest-match-fixer-dan-tan-singapore">Dan Tans</a> of the world, will largely survive to make it all happen again.<br />
<br />
There's simply too much money at stake. As long as there is sport, there will be people who want to bet on sport. And as long as there are people betting on sport, there will be people gaming the system, to include fixing the outcome, to get as much of that money as possible while eliminating as much risk as possible. In his book <i>The Ball is Round: A Global History of Soccer</i>, David Goldblatt describes the culture of betting, specifically betting on soccer matches, that exists in Southeast Asia where much of the Europol investigation leads:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">"Legal gambling exists only in Hong Kong...Yet the Asian betting industry is turning over $100 billion a year. That is three times the GDP of Vietnam. The vast majority of this is illegal. On an average weekend during the European soccer season $150 million is wagered with the main underground bookmaking networks of South-east Asia. These are concentrated in Malaysia, Thailand, Singapore and Indonesia. Betting really takes off during the big international tournaments. Since the arrival of live television coverage of the World Cup in 1998, the volume of bets has grown enormously. During Euro 2004, for example, Thais gambled around $800 million in three weeks; that is half a per cent of the country's GDP. In Singapore $294 million was laid out; that's $70 for every man, woman, and child."</span> </div>
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We're talking enormous sums of money made all the more enormous by the particular economic and social conditions of the regions in which these bets are placed. You'd be a pretty horrible crime boss if you weren't doing everything in your power to take advantage of this situation. You'd be a pretty great and well protected one if you did. </div>
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And this is not just a seedy Southeast Asian crime problem nor, indeed, a soccer problem. During last night's Super Bowl, sports betting conspiracy theorists the world over likely paused to mull over the possibility that the Superdome's sudden power outage, which took place right at the moment the Baltimore Ravens looked poised to run away and hide with the Lomabrdi Trophy, was somewhat less than accidental. Power outages that occur once a desired score line is achieved and that officially end a contest are an old standby favorite of the fixers. This is not to say that the Super Bowl was fixed, but the culture of fixing and the historical instances of such are both long established. It's a sign of how much so that Twitter and Facebook exploded the moment the lights were shut off with all sorts of theories and accusations regarding a fix. Even Goldblatt's book, outwardly a history of soccer, could also accurately be described as a history of match fixing. Every few years there's a massive scandal and no region, league, or club should be naive enough to think themselves immune.</div>
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<br /></div>
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What makes soccer so different, and what makes the problem so difficult to solve, is the game's global appeal. Who would have ever thought a crime syndicate in Singapore could fix a match in England? Who would have thought there would be a reason? Who has the authority and clout to stop them from doing it? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I have my doubts about FIFA as they've proven over and over for years and years to be rotten from the top down, and, at any rate, throwing the book at referees and players doesn't cut the head off of the snake. Europol, and by extension Interpol, has the tools to name those responsible but needs cooperation from individual governments, governments not always motivated for any number of reasons, to do anything with teeth (ie, arrest, extradite, try, convict, and sentence). </div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
That leaves the fans. The punters. The people enthralled by the sport and willing to wager their money on a hoped for outcome, an outcome that should be a mystery to everyone equally. The source of all the money in this whole enterprise in the first place; from player salaries to ticket sales to video games to IPOs to transfer fees to jerseys. The passion that fuels the enterprise. No passion for the game, no betting. No betting, no money. No money, no match fixing. Hurts, doesn't it?<br />
<br />
That's three punches to the gut. </div>
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-8633893455343950232013-02-01T20:43:00.000-05:002013-02-04T16:02:49.321-05:00Transfer Window Heroes and GoatsTransfer windows typically slam shut; that's the cliche anyway. I've never heard a breathless Sky Sports anchor announce that a window has been gently and quietly closed or that, at the appointed hour, the transfer window has been carefully shuttered and the football world is off to bed after a warm glass of milk. Doesn't quite build the drama, does it? Fans of every club imagine that, right up until the final second of the final minute of the window, their manager and owner are wildly fielding phone calls and tending to faxes and firing emails out across the globe to get that one special piece of the puzzle that is going to take the club to unimagined heights by May. It's the floor of the New York Stock Exchange until the window slams shut and all deals have to be plated and presented for judgement.<br />
<br />
Well, this year the window slid smoothly and soundlessly in its sill and is now latched. Good night.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_baDlX8hNTeaNbZxHltkZgGWoyVvTtbF9LLfayd0E28x6zZiIH4xk_7IVz_mBHQiC_df4FkrGRpdSE3Eocvm-tfKFn19hw9Qehq5bGTPJFSWTI337IVqnebgYdU80bHhyphenhyphenxWbrMsDr5c/s1600/David%252BBeckham%252BPSG.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_baDlX8hNTeaNbZxHltkZgGWoyVvTtbF9LLfayd0E28x6zZiIH4xk_7IVz_mBHQiC_df4FkrGRpdSE3Eocvm-tfKFn19hw9Qehq5bGTPJFSWTI337IVqnebgYdU80bHhyphenhyphenxWbrMsDr5c/s400/David%252BBeckham%252BPSG.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You old charmer, you!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Other than Golden Balls moving to yet another of the World's Great Cities and immediately charming the culottes off of the French media by announcing his entire salary would be going to a children's charity, there weren't too many blockbuster deals to speak of. There were, however, Heroes and Goats:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Heroes:</u></span></b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Liverpool</span></span> - The big question with Liverpool was where, other than Luis Suarez, the goals were going to come from. Last transfer window they spectacularly missed out on Clint Dempsey and then loaned Andy Carroll to West Ham leaving Luis Suarez as options A-Z to spearhead the Reds' attack. The addition of Daniel Sturridge gives Brendan Rodgers' side another vetted goal-scoring threat, and the signing of Philippe Coutinho injects a creative element in midfield that hasn't existed at Anfield this season. If I'm a Liverpool fan, in spite of the cost associated with bringing these two players in, I'm excited for the future. Coutinho is only 20 and Sturridge is only 23 and they're being added to a side that is already full of very young players. <br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Brek Shea</span></span> - If it wasn't obvious from his grintastic car interview with Sky Sports, Brek Shea is really, really, really, really, really happy to be out of Dallas and away from Schellas Hyndman. The Texan will join Geoff Cameron at Stoke City and should be afforded every opportunity to make a position his own. He's fast, skilled, and has the ability to score some fabulous goals if not the ability to sport a decent hairstyle.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Arsenal</span></span> - I know, I know Arsenal only brought in one player! How can they be heroes if they only brought in one player? Well, that one player is Nacho Monreal. No, Nacho Monreal is not a Tex-Mex restaurant in Quebec. Nacho Monreal is a Spain international who comes over from Malaga and will, in all likelihood, insure that Andre Santos never sees the pitch again. For that fact alone, this may be the most genius move of the transfer window.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Shane Long</span></span> - Long has found consistent starts hard to come by this season, but with Peter Odemwingie's bizarre and futile attempt to force a transfer through to QPR, the Irishman may suddenly find a few more opportunities to play up top for West Brom. At the bare minimum, he's a Baggies striker not named Peter Odemwingie and that's a very good thing indeed.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Newcastle</span></span> - The Magpies did a little anti-Villa and actually picked up three important players who should help see them up the table and clearly into safety. Moussa Sissoko, Yoan Gouffran, and Mathieu Debuchy are all classy players who can start and produce immediately. The biggest coup for the Northwesterners, however, may be that they were able to convince Fabricio Coloccini to stay until the end of the season.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u><b>Goats:</b></u></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Peter Odemwingie</span></span> - There are so many things wrong with what Odemwingie did on deadline day that I'm note entirely sure where to start. He wasn't given permission to discuss terms with QPR, but he loaded his agent into the car and drove all the way to West London anyhow in the hopes that he could force West Brom's hand. QPR wouldn't see him, the window closed, and there's Odemwingie having to drive all the way home to face the fans, teammates, and employers he tried to run out on. And he did all of this to force a move to <i>QPR</i>?! Bottom of the table, past their sell by date, overpaid, sinking ship, Harry-Redknapp-called-yesterday-and-tried-to-sign-me QPR.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what winning Twitter looks like.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">QPR</span></span> - Harry Redknapp is running a Queen's(Park Rangers) Gambit and continues to make what are, for my money, suspect buys that have the potential to ruin the club financially if they aren't able to stay in the Premier League. I still think QPR will go down and if/when they do, Harry's reputation for driving clubs into administration has to rise to at least equal his reputation of keeping them up. Christopher Samba fills a need with the looming departure of Ryan Nelsen, but his wages are through the roof and only further destabilize an already shaky pay structure. Loic Remy was a decent signing, but the arrival of Jermaine Jenas from Tottenham has me scratching my head. Good luck, Rangers fans. You're going to need it. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Pajtim Kasami</span></span> - Kasami is a Fulham youngster who can't get a game since arriving at the club back in 2011. The 20 year old was hopeful a move to Serie A side Psecara would materialize yesterday, but apparently a faulty internet connection at the hotel where his agent was staying scuppered the move. How Fulham. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Fulham</span></span> - Speaking of Fulham and completely Fulham things to happen, Fulham got totally Fulhamed on deadline day. Of the substantial moves the Cottagers made this window, 4 of the 5 are loan deals and, although each deal sees the addition of some quality young players, I'm not terribly confident that Martin Jol was able to address his most pressing team needs. <a href="http://grassinthesky.blogspot.com/2013/01/why-fulham-should-be-pressing-panic.html">I wrote earlier</a> about what I believed was Fulham's need for an out-and-out striker, and that need went completely unaddressed. Additionally, the only big name signing Fulham was trying to make was for Maarten Stekelenburg of AS Roma. I like Stekelenburg and think he's a functional goalkeeper, but I'm not convinced that he would have been a solution to a problem that may not even exist. Regardless, he got Fulhamed when he boarded a plane in Rome, took off for London, and then was incommunicado somewhere over Europe when Roma decided to pull the plug on the deal as they couldn't line up a viable replacement. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Aston Villa </span></span>- Villa are in free fall down the league table and had the opportunity to buy a parachute or a balloon or some wings or even a huge bed sheet with some handles sown onto it and instead they chose to do nothing, which, in their current situation, is a little like buying an anvil. They didn't even offload Darren Bent. Boo, Villa. </span></div>
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Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-77126075591680244402013-01-30T13:40:00.001-05:002013-01-30T14:15:03.349-05:00An Open Letter To US Fans and Pundits: Reactions to The USMNT v Canada
MatchTo Whom it May Concern:<br />
<br />
There are all sorts of ways to evaluate a team's performance in any given soccer match. Some people use diagrams and arrows indicating general player position on the pitch and patterns of play, some just write about the match in general, and some people opt for the old reliable, yet incredibly subjective, 1-10 rating of player performance. I was toying with all of these forms of analysis last night while watching the US Men's National team take on Canada at Houston's new soccer specific stadium, BBVA Compass Stadium, but I eventually scrapped all of that midway through the second half of what eventually ended as a 0-0 draw.<br />
<br />
Said scrapping took place right about the time I hopped on Twitter to see what was being said about the match. You would have thought ESPN2 was actually broadcasting Jurgen Klinsmann and his USA C squad ritualistically defacing the Constitution and bludgeoning puppies with 2X4s. All the talk before the match centered around this being a chance for pool players well down the pecking order to get a run out with the national side and an opportunity for Klinsmann and his staff to evaluate <i>individual</i> capabilities.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf8GDWXjBIe4SVQxHJ4CvBZhb6h2DkUOqziUQlcQUuvGPUqoRflMk7YNgkxPYk2nkawxPZBDWYUDVJNSYcPoL7RMtDWUuL-N1w4CfJ2kWd3NRBQoDnlff2Ws4ytu_NPTcMzZHlhyphenhyphenrUEaQ/s1600/sad-soccer-fan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf8GDWXjBIe4SVQxHJ4CvBZhb6h2DkUOqziUQlcQUuvGPUqoRflMk7YNgkxPYk2nkawxPZBDWYUDVJNSYcPoL7RMtDWUuL-N1w4CfJ2kWd3NRBQoDnlff2Ws4ytu_NPTcMzZHlhyphenhyphenrUEaQ/s400/sad-soccer-fan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Instead, fans and pundits alike, were busy making <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pdWAcK6Eh8">loud noises</a> about how awful the quality of play was and how dire the state of US soccer that a national team couldn't beat lowly Canada in a home match. It strikes me that this is a little like going to your kid's high school play and being pissed that it isn't Broadway caliber or even watching a 4th NFL preseason game and drawing all sorts of negative conclusions about your team's chances to win the Superbowl.<br />
<br />
Calm the @$#! down.<br />
<br />
Of last night's starting XI, maybe two or three players who donned the US jersey are going to get significant minutes during the Hex. Of those, there's a very real possibility that none of them will feature at all if and when the US qualifies for the 2014 World Cup Finals. Realistically, many of the players in last night's team were just playing for another call up to camp and nothing more. Granted, the match was not pleasing on the eye, and that's an understatement, but there were a number of bright spots that should give US fans some hope that the squad has options and depth in certain areas. Kyle Beckerman was tireless in his role as a box-to-box midfielder; Juan Agudelo looked sharp in the attack; Matt Besler and Justin Morrow got forward well, although their final ball left a lot to be desired; and Omar Gonzalez did enough to suggest that he could be a viable option in the future as a partner to Geoff Cameron in central defense. To borrow from Robert De Niro's <i>Untouchables</i> speech, last night was essentially a time for individual achievement. Let's not beat the team or Klinsmann to death with a baseball bat because they couldn't get a win in an entirely meaningless match.<br />
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In some ways, the comprehensive outrage during and immediately following the match is a good sign that the USMNT is progressing to a point that they're expected to win all CONCACAF matches regardless the team that is fielded or the importance of the encounter. However, let's not pull an England and suddenly delude ourselves into thinking that we should win just because we are who we are. Canada parked the bus and we had zero success breaking them down, but it's not like even the highest quality national sides aren't prone to failing at this as well (see: every team Greece played in the 2004 European Championships, Manchester City yesterday, and Arsenal with alarming frequency).<br />
<br />
It also strikes me as fairly ironic that some of the performances US fans and pundits coo over as all time great wins stem from playing exactly the kind of defense first, counterattacking style the Canadians tried to employ last night. There were the Italy and Mexico matches last year and the Spain match in the 2009 Confederations Cup.<br />
<br />
In terms of tactics and personnel, I have every reason to believe that Klinsmann could have fielded a side last night that would have beaten Canada, but that's not what this match was about. CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying is a long, arduous, difficult slog and vanity wins over Canada aren't going to make that slog any easier. What does help is vetting young talent and knowing just what your capabilities are three, four, and even five players deep, even, and especially if, it turns out those players are just not quite yet up to snuff. Here's to hoping everyone has taken a deep breath.<br />
<br />
Cheers,<br />
<br />
Grass In The Sky<br />
<br />
PS Still would have been nice to get that win though. Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-38852308384821151062013-01-27T19:31:00.002-05:002013-01-29T10:17:05.577-05:00Why Fulham Should Be Pressing The Panic Button or Send Up The Bent SignalIf Manchester United fans needed any reminding as to why they weren't terribly sorry to see Dimitar Berbatov go, he certainly did his best to jog their collective memory in Saturday's FA Cup demolition of Fulham. There's nothing I can say about Berbatov that hasn't been said before. On a good day, his game is languid, silky, effortless, delicate, and artful. On a bad day, like Saturday, his game is ponderous, lazy, static, and soporific.<br />
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<br /></div>
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I've watched Berbatov play for years and some of the most sublime goals I've ever seen came about through the moody Bulgarian's masterful touch and incredible vision. There was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFqhy3I4gnE">that 2007 goal</a> for Spurs against Charlton and that <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJh7mWWIzSg">moment of ridiculousness</a> to find Cristiano Ronaldo in the six yard box for Manchester United versus West Ham United. Those moments certainly encapsulate Berbatov at his best, but they came against weak opposition when Berbatov was just another incredibly talented player in sides not lacking in creative playmakers. Certainly at Manchester United, where Berbatov was the Premier League's leading goal scorer in the 2010-11 season, he was not the focal point of the team and was surrounded by strong personalities who personified United's trademark industry, pace, and team concept.<br />
<br />
When Berbatov signed for Fulham following the departures of Clint Dempsey and Moussa Dembele, Fulham fans, myself included, were optimistic that his class, reunited with Martin Jol, would shine through and inspire the entire team to play a fluid, creative style full of goals and a comfortable campaign in the Premier League. Instead, it seems that the goals have dried up and Fulham are now playing an arguably more static, less dynamic brand of soccer that has seen them steadily slide down the Premier League table and begin an all-too-familiar flirtation with the relegation zone.<br />
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Obviously, this can't all be blamed on Berbatov and persistent rumblings of locker room unrest and player conflicts with Martin Jol have continued to plague the Cottagers since Bobby Zamora spectacularly fell from grace last season. However, Berbatov and Jol have made no secret of the fact that this is the Bulgarian's team and his self professed desire to play as the number 10 has arguably been more of a detriment to the side than a help.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNVGETUJbqSogN_l18CvvTFjwFJWscNQxtCedA_5eQ8hzdk_TxkU_0nZ7fSLK5SvP9wlB-trz333evgUJ11Wo7_2ExlkCZRtxZ4v_TV-BbNqJAIO_VBkK_nXq8BCSq3DRAUoyOCOgRp7Q/s1600/Dimitar-Berbatov-008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNVGETUJbqSogN_l18CvvTFjwFJWscNQxtCedA_5eQ8hzdk_TxkU_0nZ7fSLK5SvP9wlB-trz333evgUJ11Wo7_2ExlkCZRtxZ4v_TV-BbNqJAIO_VBkK_nXq8BCSq3DRAUoyOCOgRp7Q/s320/Dimitar-Berbatov-008.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They've got the passing part down, but now it's time to panic</td></tr>
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Consider Fulham's first match of the season against Norwich prior to both Dembele's departure and Berbatov's arrival. Fulham ran out 5-0 winners. Mladen Petric scored twice, Damien Duff and Alexander Kacaniklic added one a piece, and Steve Sidwell finished one from the spot. With Bryan Ruiz playing in the hole, Fulham looked dynamic and creative making overlapping runs down the flanks and incisive passes in behind the defense. Martin Jol was able to play with one true holding midfielder in Mahamadou Diarra while Moussa Dembele worked tirelessly from box-to-box winning possession and distributing the ball forward to spring the attack. Granted, it was the first match of the season and first matches are always more of a one off than a bellwether, but there was enough industry and young, dynamic talent in the side to suggest that the campaign would be an enjoyable one for Fulham fans.<br />
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Fast forward a few weeks. Dembele and Dempsey are gone and now Berbatov is the undisputed focal point of the team. Adding a player with Berbatov's class on the ball should be a value added scenario, but he's hardly a like-for-like switch for either Dempsey or Dembele. Although not blessed with extraordinary pace, Dempsey, as he was often deployed for Fulham, served as a target player who could hold the ball up in transition and in the offensive third of the field and bring others into the attack. He also has a knack for popping up in the box to finish off the scraps and doing the physical work to hammer one in with his head.<br />
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The departure of Dembele meant that Jol had to play a central midfield pairing of two dedicated holding players in some combination of Sidwell, Chris Baird, Giorgos Karagounis, and Diarra. Sidwell and Karagounis have done their best to get forward and spring the attack, but they're playing against their nature when they do, and their lack of vision and quality in the pass has caused Fulham to stagnate somewhat when they go forward. Still, with a player like Ruiz playing in the hole between the midfield and a target forward, Fulham have the capability to bridge defense and attack, but it requires a target further up the field to stretch the opponent's defense and create space in which Ruiz can work and an outlet for him to play to once he's able to turn. This is where Berbatov, for all his skill and ability, has killed Fulham going forward.<br />
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It strikes me that Ruiz and Berbatov essentially want to play the same role. Consider the FA Cup match against Manchester United on Saturday. Both Ruiz and Berbatov consistently dropped well into Fulham's own half to get the ball from Sidwell, Baird, and later Karagounis. Once they were able to turn, the only passes that were on were square to either Duff or Kacaniklic and more often to Riether or Riise. This allowed Phil Jones, Chris Smalling, Rafael, and Patrice Evra to play well up the pitch to pressure the ball as they did not have to worry about Berbatov or Ruiz running in behind them. Additionally, Duff and Kacaniklic were tasked with helping out Riether and Riise as Evra and Rafael looked to make runs down either flank at every opportunity. As the match wore on, Duff, Kacaniklic, and later Dejagah found it more and more difficult to get forward as the yards they'd run to track Evra and Rafael piled up on their legs. This unsuccessful pattern of play was compounded by the fact that neither Sidwell nor initially Baird are the sorts of players that can run through from deeper positions and, most unforgivably, that Berbatov himself seemed content to pick up the ball, play a square pass, and then stroll languidly behind as the recipient of his pass looked desperately for a forward option to play the ball.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuELWnoGqdDlPB3FgH5FyCHbjnoQmnS_TUWOKi2UhMxmK0D18gnVputWR46idjvGZy4Ag9lmQHU9aJ4a1JbblJmkcfV_48YQgoO33GZcTTnWcs9a-U-1w_1vv752aJqUkiPVFouf_gadQ/s1600/sc00978458.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuELWnoGqdDlPB3FgH5FyCHbjnoQmnS_TUWOKi2UhMxmK0D18gnVputWR46idjvGZy4Ag9lmQHU9aJ4a1JbblJmkcfV_48YQgoO33GZcTTnWcs9a-U-1w_1vv752aJqUkiPVFouf_gadQ/s320/sc00978458.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Forgive the amateur diagram</td></tr>
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When Berbatov did move in the offensive third to collect the ball, he often did so out to the right flank where, at least initially, Riether and Duff were already fairly effective at getting in behind Patrice Evra. In doing so, he killed space and often had to play square or drop the ball back to a teammate allowing Manchester United to keep the play in front of their defense. On the occasions Berbatov was able to find Kacaniklic, Duff, or Riether he seemed content to linger behind the play instead of taking it upon himself to get into United's box to get onto the end of the balls that were inevitably played to no one in particular. Fulham were essentially playing a 4-6-0.<br />
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With any other player and many other teams, this would require a relatively simple tactical adjustment, but Martin Jol seems committed to letting Berbatov essentially play however and wherever Berbatov wants. Lest I be accused of Berbatov bashing, let's consider what happened when Hugo Rodallega was introduced to the tie in the second half. I've got a lot of time for the Colombian as he's always struck me as an industrious, no nonsense player with decent speed and the ability to get some goals. He scored ten for Wigan in the 2009-10 season and scoring ten for Wigan in any season is a little like scoring twenty for any other team not named Wigan. </div>
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In the 65th minute of the match, Fulham broke up a Manchester United attack and the ball wound up at Karagounis' feet. He played the ball to Berbatov who was checking back to the center circle. Berbatov went to play a little square flick of the ball to Rodallega who was drifting off the back shoulder of a United defender. Rodallega wanted the ball into space behind the United defense and was unable to recover the ball Berbatov actually played. As play went back toward the Fulham goal, Rodallega could be seen frustratingly gesturing to Berbatov that he wanted the ball into space. Berbatov immediately fired back with his own angry gesticulations that Rodallega should have checked to the ball Berbatov played square. Keep in mind that the match was 3-0 at this point and Rodallega was the furthest player up the pitch. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOIGqXexehgaUWx9YCXtAvucgCfRDvad2qCaOd3XTHX-1GSD5Qd_iTFDzxy-6szulp-a9NNVJiJUU205A43WysVjpk0daH5b5Ls4UJHD1q0l54zCzlwJykKE2GC-T_KQM9zPApLMoc28Y/s1600/sc00a20641.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOIGqXexehgaUWx9YCXtAvucgCfRDvad2qCaOd3XTHX-1GSD5Qd_iTFDzxy-6szulp-a9NNVJiJUU205A43WysVjpk0daH5b5Ls4UJHD1q0l54zCzlwJykKE2GC-T_KQM9zPApLMoc28Y/s320/sc00a20641.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With no one playing as a target or running in behind, Manchester United were able to keep Fulham playing across the face of the defense. </td></tr>
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This is where, in spite of my awe at Berbatov's skill and ability, I lose patience a la any Manchester United fan who ever shook his head at Berbatov's style of play. He's never wrong. Ever. </div>
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Berbatov will berate a teammate for not finding him, even in the most difficult circumstances. He'll throw his hands up at missed shots or runs not made, but he doesn't even blush or hold a hand up in apology when he himself screws a ball horribly wide or fails to pick out the run of a teammate in a better position. On a team like Fulham, a team without another transcendent talent or an especially strong personality in the manager's seat, that sort of attitude and constant brow beating is a cancer that permeates the dressing room and the spirit of the team on the pitch. </div>
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This Fulham vintage is arguably more talented than other Fulham sides that have narrowly escaped relegation, but it doesn't have the sort of leadership or infectious personality someone like Danny Murphy or Jimmy Bullard provided. At best, seasoned professionals like Damien Duff, Steve Sidwell, Hugo Rodallega, and Giorgos Karagounis fire back at Berbatov in frustration. At worst, young talents like Kacaniklic play timidly and without the confidence to make things happen lest they incur the wrath of the moody number 9.<br />
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From where I sit, Fulham are dangerously close to devolving into a relegation frontrunner. They play Manchester United at the weekend and then still have matches against Chelsea, Tottenham, Arsenal, Everton, and Liverpool. At this point in the season, with the transfer window about to close and dangling only six points clear of the relegation zone, I think they have to buy a striker. Berbatov has made it clear that he wants to play a number 10 role essentially free of any dirty responsibilities. This is frustrating as, even in the United match, he showed that he is capable of harrying a defender into coughing up the ball and doing the high pressure work necessary to win corners and push his team on; he just doesn't do it frequently enough to call it part of his game. Ruiz, on the other hand, is potentially a more industrious player, but he isn't suited to taking on the role of a frontrunner a la Clint Dempsey. </div>
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So who is available? Well, the list isn't long considering Mohammed Al-Fayed only begrudgingly opens his checkbook and Fulham aren't exactly a dream destination for proven goalscorers in their prime. A good season on the Thames is finishing comfortably mid table. A great season is pushing for a Europa League spot and surviving deep into one of the cup competitions. I'd love to see someone speedy and hungry for goals like Luis Suarez or Chicharito don a white jersey, but that isn't going to happen. Given these fact, only two names immediately pop into mind and those belong to Darren Bent and Shane Long. Bent is still only 28, can't get a game with Aston Villa, and is exactly the kind of physical, big bodied striker that Fulham need to establish an attacking target.<br />
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Shane Long is the kind of speedy, hard working striker Fulham lack to get in behind defenses and would surely allow Berbatov and/or Ruiz a little more space to operate. As it stands, there is no fast enough threat to scare even the slowest Premier League defenders into playing a little deeper.<br />
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Obviously, there are a few issues with either of these choices as Villa are reportedly looking for something in the neighborhood of 20 million pounds to offload Bent, but when a guy like Michu can be signed for under 5 million pounds, there is a limit to what the market will bear. Even still, some bigger clubs are lurking around Christian Benteke and if someone comes in with an offer the Villans can't refuse, Bent could suddenly find himself back in the good graces of Paul Lambert...or whoever potentially replaces him.<br />
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Shane Long may also be a tough get as Peter Odemwingie is pushing on in years and has had an inconsistent season thus far. Additionally, Romelu Lukaku is only at West Brom on loan and the Baggies would suddenly find themselves light in the striking department if they let him go.<br />
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Having said that, if Jol continues to insist that Berbatov be allowed to play the role for Fulham that he's been playing, he needs to look to buy a viable outlet who can be fielded further up the pitch. Perhaps a lineup with Bent or Long as a target player or frontrunner, respectively; Berbatov sitting in the hole; Duff and Ruiz on either side of midfield; and Sidwell, Baird, Karagounis, and whoever else holding midfield could bring some of the dynamism back to the Cottagers' attack. Kacaniklic/Ruiz/Dejagah could come off the bench as tactics and situations dictated. </div>
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Whether Fulham attempt to remedy their current malaise in the transfer window or on the training ground is anyone's guess, but the side needs strong medicine and fast. Looking at this transfer window, Long and Bent are just two possible suggestions that might seemingly fit Fulham's wage structure and also address a glaring need in their attack. As a Fulham fan, I hope for the best, but my Berbatov jersey is getting awfully difficult to wear. </div>
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-91417785379853081952013-01-22T00:11:00.000-05:002013-01-22T00:12:44.340-05:00Best XI Bottom IIIThis weekend I (again) spent an inordinate amount of time watching Premier League matches back-to-back-to-back while I should have been doing other, more constructive things like walking the dog, cleaning my apartment, or...bathing. This fact was no lost on my delightful girlfriend and I'm currently snuggling on the couch with her watching <i>The Bachelor</i> as penance. I'm screwed if she looks over my shoulder to see what I'm typing. Whatever. It was worth it. I enjoyed it and I can quit any time. You're not the boss of me.<br />
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Some time between watching Arsene Wenger actually make use of that ridiculous coat of his and surprising myself by cheering enthusiastically for a draw in the Spurs v Man United match, I had a thought [<i>insert "one thought" jokes here</i>]. Could you, drafting only players currently on teams in the relegation zone of the Premier League, put together a league challenging side?<br />
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Just so we're all on the same page here, we're talking QPR, Wigan, and Reading. QPR are, dare I say, reborn under Harry Redknapp and are currently threatening to shed their mantle as Most Spectacular Train Wreck Of The Season. But their January transfer window activity thus far has been limited to signing too old, too expensive hired guns to replace a bunch of other too old, too expensive hired guns. I will literally eat my hat if QPR escape relegation.
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz72wn2_4GwOj_u6YkiVz5M_T6BW4wviS9iVjz48r9OoBzhRRd9WRDe6ml45exsejUMFZbQ9ComoskoBzTJOADGvjBztTpKHVhPahTavxlyK_eHN1DyJbbGjdS5DLoFphFQylU8nebSqY/s1600/medium_GoorinBrosCockTruckerBallCap1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz72wn2_4GwOj_u6YkiVz5M_T6BW4wviS9iVjz48r9OoBzhRRd9WRDe6ml45exsejUMFZbQ9ComoskoBzTJOADGvjBztTpKHVhPahTavxlyK_eHN1DyJbbGjdS5DLoFphFQylU8nebSqY/s320/medium_GoorinBrosCockTruckerBallCap1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My hat.</td></tr>
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Wigan have been competently - and I mean that with all sincerity- led by Roberto Martinez right back into a relegation scrap and should be thankful to even be there. Seriously, how does this guy do it? It seems like every year Wigan just escape relegation and celebrate by selling off their best players, replacing them with no one in particular, and winding up the whole thing again just to see how close they can cut it. Everyone goes on and on about Harry Redknapp, but what Martinez does every single year with three nuns, a mime, four UPS drivers, a high school place kicker, two mannequins, and six of those shooting dummies they use at training sessions to make the wall is astounding. I predict they do it again this year.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXim8Xd4QIj6h55ueuG-b2psYTVDaQydmaAVSzsw3Q14Zg25JM4CMCrESvrD-7l4jMMTfIAav40svWjlVktQqyX7FhnK7ZF1msItyPRZVe5orK9HnuUbxi60CLRLZNr7gl-__xczFGK_A/s1600/article-1205977-0612230B000005DC-440_468x286.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXim8Xd4QIj6h55ueuG-b2psYTVDaQydmaAVSzsw3Q14Zg25JM4CMCrESvrD-7l4jMMTfIAav40svWjlVktQqyX7FhnK7ZF1msItyPRZVe5orK9HnuUbxi60CLRLZNr7gl-__xczFGK_A/s320/article-1205977-0612230B000005DC-440_468x286.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hippest duckface ever.</td></tr>
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That leaves us with Reading, the quintessential yo-yo side. They could barely stay up or barely go down and I wouldn't be surprised either way. The best thing they have going for them is that there are other teams just as bad, if not worse, that could sneak into one of those bottom three spots. The worst thing they have going for them is that they look an awful lot like QPR in those jerseys. C'mon, Reading. Dress like the guy who has the job you <i>want</i>. </div>
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So, do we have a contender? Well, first things first, we need a manager. Brian McDermott looks like a bond villain to me and I've never been terribly impressed by his tactics. Harry Redknapp seems the obvious choice, but I submit that he's never gone to a club that wasn't woefully underachieving and then done one before he could ride the crest back down to more realistic results. That leaves me with Roberto Martinez and I feel pretty good about that choice (see above).</div>
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In goal I've got to go with Julio Cesar, mostly because I just can't square the fact that this guy has won almost everything in the game with the fact that he's about to get relegated as a member of one of the most underachieving Premier League sides ever. He's starting to come good after some very un-Julio Cesar-like performances and her certainly looks the part in his Brazilian ninja kit. Also, my other realistic choices were Ali Al-Habsi and Rob Green. Al-Habsi isn't an awful choice, but he's got to be backup to Cesar. Green is like a poor man's goalkeeping version of Fernando Torres. In a little over two years the guy has gone from England's number one to a warm seat on the bench of the worst team in the league. If Clint Dempsey ever winds up poisoned, I'm going to want to hear Green's alibi.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNUpCAmczaYkBwHU4Rmse0Sg5dJcBbi92Z0BuImVcGyN9JyOXX7PeLNa_6RT5NFSlJHh6IJDmHYYvVD4BKlwNzX46zd1m1Eqpijyxa-sODTFsiz99Uejjb0NqKEqt9rKT8UNV84QY73v8/s1600/428319_532397943457766_1129297345_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNUpCAmczaYkBwHU4Rmse0Sg5dJcBbi92Z0BuImVcGyN9JyOXX7PeLNa_6RT5NFSlJHh6IJDmHYYvVD4BKlwNzX46zd1m1Eqpijyxa-sODTFsiz99Uejjb0NqKEqt9rKT8UNV84QY73v8/s320/428319_532397943457766_1129297345_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He'll be damned if Chamakh is going to score on him. I like that in a goalkeeper.</td></tr>
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My back four is Maynor Figueroa, Nicky Shorey, Ryan Nelsen, and Ivan Ramis. Basically, this is a crap shoot. None of the bottom three teams are particularly adept at scoring goals, but they're really freaking good at letting them in. Whoever you stick back there is going to be somewhere way down the ladder from Gary Cahill, Rio Ferdinand, and Michael Dawson. Gary Caldwell, Armand Traore, Stephane M'Bia, and Fabio - Has he not been playing quite well of late? - all probably could have found their way into this Best XI Bottom III back four, but I went with my gut. Figueroa is an athlete who can bomb forward when needed. Nelsen is an old school center back general and a natural leader. Ramis is a big oaf who can kick you. Shorey can occasionally serve a ball. Seems like balance to me. </div>
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In midfield we've got Shaun Maloney, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Junior Hoilett, Adel Taarabt, and Samba Diakite. A few things: 1- I never said these players had to be currently fit. This is my fantasy/nightmare side and I can select whoever I want as long as they're on the roster of a bottom three side. 2 - How in the hell is QPR the worst team in the Premier League with the players they have on that roster?! 3 - Samba Diakite is a butcher and sometimes you need that. 4 - Shortest midfield ever? 5 - I don't want to put Taarabt on this team at all, but he's the closest thing to a gamechanger on any of the bottom three rosters. Seriously, look at who is on these rosters. I'll wait. </div>
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This brings us to my one forward selection. On hype it has to be Loic Remy. On Looks it has to be Pavel Pogrebnyak. On hair it's Arouna Kone. You won't be surprised to learn that no forward on any of the bottom three sides has scored more than eight goals. Again, there's a reason they're in the bottom three. You might be surprised to learn, however, that that eight goal scorer is Reading's Adam Le Fondre. Go on, Adam! Be a hero!</div>
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So, could my Best XI Bottom III side challenge for a league title? In a word: no. In five words: Not a chance in hell. But with Adel Taarbat pulling the strings behind a front running Adam Le Fondre, Hoilett and Wright-Phillips providing width on the wings and sometimes collapsing in to allow Figueroa and Shorey to overlap, Diakite kicking people, Maloney being one too many attacking players on the field, Nelsen marshaling the defense with Ramis mouth breathing next to him, Cesar getting a steady workout in the goal, and Martinez looking dapper and gesticulating madly on the touchline, this would be one fun team to watch!</div>
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Probably wouldn't be dead bottom either......or have a wage bill as large as QPR's. But we would play at Loftus Road. Nothing like watching a train wreck up close! </div>
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-10023111387035539352013-01-18T16:39:00.001-05:002013-01-19T13:15:35.182-05:00Great Moments In US Men's National Team History<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIFItQUpBd9LNS8ZICpJFmtAq3uT8WTOmZ25NkYJoYtmntS1wf4CN23ZoPPvro38oI8GmfQYrhlEQD7pqsX5UKgVyvQb3OH8pmxGK3r-at3t6OxCvFhuPR3aUIEALjyebLzCEsoqKfOgM/s1600/409.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIFItQUpBd9LNS8ZICpJFmtAq3uT8WTOmZ25NkYJoYtmntS1wf4CN23ZoPPvro38oI8GmfQYrhlEQD7pqsX5UKgVyvQb3OH8pmxGK3r-at3t6OxCvFhuPR3aUIEALjyebLzCEsoqKfOgM/s400/409.jpg" width="260" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pirates.</td></tr>
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I'm not quite sure what to make of this photo. Some off-the-cuff thoughts:</div>
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To whom were these stickers marketed? If it was to young, American soccer fans the marketing clearly failed as I was a young, American fan when this sticker was produced and I have never seen it until recently. </div>
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That I completely forgot Celo and Lalas were on this vintage of the USMNT is a measure of just how forgettable France '98 was to American soccer fans.</div>
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Take away any mention of soccer or the bits of jersey that peak out from the bottom border of these headshots and you've got half of a grunge band...or mugshots of vegan, animal rights extremists. </div>
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Does anyone remember Celo's insane bicycle kick goal from early on in the MLS? Also, I remember Lalas doing a <i>60 Minutes</i> thing right before the '94 World Cup in which he shattered some plexiglass with a shot and also did the balance-the-ball-on-your-head-and-roll-it-forward-to-kiss-it-then-roll-it-back-on-your-forehead trick. Blew my 13 year old mind. </div>
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Lastly, pirates. </div>
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That is all. </div>
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Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-52813054296939791962013-01-17T22:42:00.001-05:002013-01-18T16:25:25.719-05:00A Rose, By Any Other Name, Would Smell As SweetI'm back! I know, I know, you can hardly contain yourselves. You've missed my incredible wit and such snarky classics as "The Premiership Best Hair Side" and recurring posts like "Great Moments in US Men's National Team History." Well, rest assured said posts are forthcoming and we have a first half of Premiership drama to dissect along with a January transfer window in the throes of insane wheeling and dealing. But...<br />
<br />
For now, it's time to focus a little on my adopted hometown and the massive soccer (football) week that is currently unfolding in The Circle City. For those of you not in the know, and that includes an alarming number Circle City residents, The Circle City is none other than Indianapolis, Indiana. Why The Circle City? Well, there's a monument in Indianapolis located smack dab in the middle of downtown Indianapolis and that monument is further located smack dab in the middle of a roundabout which, I'm sure you've guessed, is circular in shape. Is there another kind? Clever, no?<br />
<br />
The MLS Super Draft took place earlier today in downtown Indy and the NSCAA convention is in full swing right beside it. These are great events for the city to host, but for Indy residents they don't mean much substantively beyond the week in which they're held. National soccer figures descend upon the city, some college kids go pro, patterns of play and innovative training methodologies are discussed, our bars wind up a few kegs lighter, and everyone goes home.<br />
<br />
What does mean quite a lot for the city beyond this week and what has Indianapolis soccer fanatics firing back and forth with one another on the interwebs is the announcement of a new Indianapolis professional soccer team that will begin play in the NASL in 2014. Halle-freakin-lujah! Many of us, myself included, have already reserved our season tickets and are temporarily ignoring the fact that it's the middle of winter with only Dr. King Day to look forward to before we see the sun again or anything green and leafy that we're not eating in a restaurant.<br />
<br />
There are plenty of questions yet to be answered surrounding the new team. Where will they play beyond a temporary set up on the campus of IUPUI? Who will be the coach? How many homegrown players will the side field? Am I too old to entertain the idea of trying out and, in a Disney-like feel good dream, make the team and lead it to glory? ...Or even just sit on the bench and get to wear the uniform?<br />
<br />
All of those are questions that will be answered in time. Well, maybe not the last two. I'm pretty sure those were answerable as soon as I finished typing them. *Sigh*<br />
<br />
The question that is probably most pressing and least functionally important is what this new team will be called. The sheer cacophony of opinion that currently surrounds this discussion is overwhelming and, frankly, scares the hell out of me.<br />
<br />
"C'mon. Scares the hell out of you," you say?<br />
<br />
"Hyperbole much," you continue?<br />
<br />
Yes, scares the hell out of me, but maybe not for the reasons you would guess. From where I sit, and I know it's been said so many times before that it's a cliche, soccer in this country is at a tipping point. Granted, that tipping point isn't exactly the tiny point on a fulcrum it's been made out to be before. It's actually more like a gently sloping, wide curve that isn't terribly efficient and has taken some time to move soccer culture in this country from where it was before to where it will be Tomorrow (capital T), but it's a tipping point nonetheless.<br />
<br />
On either side of that wide, sloping tipping point I see two distinct approaches to soccer in the US, broadly speaking, and I see both of those sides already staking their claim to Indianapolis' new NASL team.<br />
<br />
My apologies while I generalize for a moment. Obviously there are gray areas and inconsistencies here, but I'm not dealing with one or two standard deviations from the middle (ie, now). I'm dealing with what has defined soccer culture in the United State and what will define said soccer culture in the future. <br />
<br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u>Side One: The Past</u></span></b><br />
<br />
Side one is the soccer I cut my youth team teeth on. Side one did not show soccer on television, save for the World Cup every four years and a little blip in the 70s and 80s that was more of a curiosity than an actual cultural sea change. Side one did not have the internet beaming immediate transfer news and match results from the best leagues in Europe. Side one did not have many American players plying their trade overseas, and when it did it didn't have the TV and internet infrastructure I just mentioned to allow American fans to follow their heroes in real time. Side one did not have, even in major US cities let alone places like Indianapolis, soccer specific bars like The Chatham Tap in which one could find knowledgeable, passionate <i>American</i> fans supporting their favorite foreign teams.<br />
<br />
Side one was defined by suburban white kids playing soccer on relatively manicured fields. They got orange slices and Hi-C at half time. Their coaches were their parents and those coaches literally read <i>Soccer For Dummies</i> on the touchline during the match. Many of those kids stopped playing at 14 or 15 so they could focus on their "real" sport. Those that didn't played for pay-to-play select teams with ridiculous names like Houston Texans Elite Red West and Chicago Magic PSG NPL '98. Even the rules were different; descending clocks, timeouts, 35 yard shootouts, unlimited substitutions.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying that any of this was unimportant or even inherently bad, but those kids have grown up and had kids of their own and soccer is no longer exclusively the pearly white, everybody-gets-a-trophy sport it has been in the United States. Side one is shrinking.<br />
<br />
Which leads us to...<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><u><b>Side Two: The Future</b></u></span><br />
<br />
Side two is comprised of people who grew up playing soccer and continued to play up to and through college. Side two wakes up at 6AM to be at the bar to claim a spot for themselves and their friends before it fills up for the 2PM USA v England World Cup 2010 match. Side two supports a team (at this point probably still a European team) religiously and is well versed in all the club politics and personalities. Side two is probably 40 and under and still plays on as many indoor and outdoor teams as their creaking knees and swollen ankles will allow. Side two jokes about parents who used to yell "Boot it!" during their youth games, has a child of his own, and can explain to him how and why an outside midfielder should be as wide as possible in a 3-5-2 when the ball is near the opposite touchline. Side two can't imagine what life would be like without soccer, bleeds for the national team, knows what "El Tri" means, and hates them with every fiber of their being. <br />
<br />
Side two applauds the creation of MLS academy teams and hopes more clubs will invest more money in order to diminish the effects of pay-to-play. Side two probably sees college soccer as a waning if not dying influence in the development of future American talent. Side two is growing.<br />
<br />
I'm not one of those people who thinks soccer in this country is just five or ten years away from ruling the realm Lord of The Rings style. I will say, however, that as baseball, hockey, and to a certain extent basketball, continue to screw themselves up, more and more space is being created in the public sporting sphere for the United States to embrace soccer as a domestic passion. Add to that the number of kids who are all grown up and not only played growing up but played nothing else and were actually really freaking good at it and are having kids of their own, and you've got an emerging and uniquely American soccer culture that is becoming a significant enough force that a city like Indianapolis can announce the formation of a pro team and do so to much fanfare and excitement.<br />
<br />
This is where my barometer for the degree to which the fulcrum is tilting kicks in. Essentially, what's in a name? The fact of the matter is, <i>Indianapolis, </i>home of the pork tenderloin and Plump's last shot, has a professional soccer team and, regardless what it's called, all Indiana soccer fans should rejoice. However, what this team is called places it firmly in the balance between Kansas City Wizards and Sporting KC. Between Dallas Burn and FC Dallas. Between Soccer moms and Side One and the ownership of passionate soccer fans and Side Two. The fulcrum is tipping. But how far has it tipped? What will this team be called?<br />
<br />
<br />
On the <a href="http://indyprosoccer.com/">indyprosoccer.com</a> website under the entry "Name The Team" there seems to be clear reason for fear.<br />
<br />
A Sampling:<br />
<br />
Zombies<br />
Infinity<br />
Chasers<br />
Raiders<br />
Majestic<br />
Matrix<br />
Daredevils<br />
Circle City Stealth<br />
Invaders<br />
Calvary<br />
Spark<br />
Beat<br />
Pulse<br />
<br />
I'm pretty sure those are all either U-10 team names or WNBA team names.<br />
<br />
Ideally, the team would quietly form and organically decide on a name and climb the ranks of the leagues and eventually be a MLS side, but this is professional sports in the 21st century and those sorts of things just don't happen anymore. A little less than ideally, the franchise could adopt a name that reflects the unique history of Indiana and/or Indianapolis and conform to some of the conventions of traditional soccer club names without pandering to their European roots. Racing Indianapolis seems a tailor made fit, but apparently the Indy Racing League (people who drive fast and turn left) have killed that possibility.<br />
<br />
My modest suggestions would be Indiana 1816 and White Star Indianapolis (You know, the whole city flag thing). When it comes down to it though, I'm just ecstatic that my hometown is entering the ranks of American professional soccer cities. Maybe "scared as hell" was hyperbole.<br />
<br />Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-16004523719256107452012-10-05T14:06:00.001-04:002012-10-05T14:09:14.516-04:00Great Moments In US Men's National Team History<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WfrwNMR871U?fs=1" width="459"></iframe><br />
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You're welcome.Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-16429466198694985152012-10-05T14:04:00.005-04:002012-10-05T14:09:54.232-04:00Premier League Predictions or I Mailed This One In, KissesIs it Week 7 already? Indeed it is. Time to take stock.<br />
<br />
Excluding my insane predictions from Week 4, I'm something like 15-5 in predicting the proper result in the last two weeks and, when I've been bold enough to predict a scorer, I'm 9 for 9. I don't want to toot my own horn, but...<br />
<br />
Toot. Toot.<br />
<br />
Here's what will happen this week:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Manchester City v Sunderland</span> - City have an issue keeping the ball out of the back of the net. How this is possible with the obscene amounts of cash Sheik Mansoor has shoveled into the pockets of Man City players is beyond me. Without Joe Hart's continuing heroics in the City goal, the problem could be much, much worse than it already is. Sunderland are actually a decent footballing side and haven't been beaten yet this season. Seriously. <i>Sunderland</i> haven't been beaten yet. In addition, Steven Fletcher appears to be worth every one of the GBP 14 million Martin O'Neill spent on him this summer, and can't stop scoring at the moment. Something has to give, right?<br />
<br />
Predictions: Mancini sticks with Prada Infusion and continues to be the best smelling man on the touchline. City do get scored on, probably by Fletcher, but wind up winning in somewhat comfortable fashion at home. 3-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Chelsea v Norwich City</span> - Could someone please put a sock in both John Terry and Ashley Cole? And by "someone" I mean Roberto Di Matteo. Just when all of the drama seemed to be done and dusted, Ashley Cole took to Twitter this morning to call the FA a "bunch of twats." He then forwent any sort of explanation and just said "sorry." You say sorry when you fart in an elevator. You do not say sorry when you're already a significantly disliked douchebag and you do something inane and immature like take to twitter to draw even more unwanted attention to your already hyper-analyzed club. The big winner here is Leighton Baines. For me, he's a much better option at left back in the England set up but he's been somewhat frozen out by Ashley Cole. If he doesn't get a legitimate shot at replacing the second most hated man in the league after this there's no hope for England.<br />
<br />
Predictions: Torres gets a brace. Terry and Cole are booed mercilessly. Norwich continue to stake their claim as relegation frontrunners. Chelsea, 3-0.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Swansea City v Reading</span> - The Swans must be ecstatic that they have a chance to get back on track against a pretty underwhelming Reading side after they've gone off the boil in recent weeks. Reading did get an impressive draw last week against Newcastle (I called that), but I think they comeback down to earth here.<br />
<br />
Predictions: Michu reminds us all that he's still in the league with a great performance. Pogrebnyak gets a consolation goal. Swans, 2-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">WBA v QPR</span> - In the battle of acronym clubs, WBA pushes Mark Hughes even further onto the hot seat. I think the Baggies roll here and heap the misery on Hughes' expensively assembled pensioners.<br />
<br />
Predictions: Minimum six shots of Hughes looking stoic and adrift on the touchline. Adel Taarabt comes on in the 75th minute to go all street ball in the middle of the park to little effect. West Brom, 2-0.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Wigan v Everton</span> - Poor Wigan. I say that, but this is a trap match for Everton. The Toffees have played so well this season but are always prone to a slip up against a team they have no business losing to. Unfortunately for my man crush, Roberto Martinez, I don't see this as that match. <br />
<br />
Predictions: Mirallas gets in the goals and that combination of Pienaar and Baines down the left flank proves way too much to handle. Everton, 4-0.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">West Ham v Arsenal</span> - This is a great chance for Olivier Giroud to finally break his duck for Arsenal. So far this season, he's managed to just look really, really, ridiculously good looking without producing much between the touchlines. Can he come on with about 20 left and get in the goals?<br />
<br />
Predictions: Gervinho continues his impressive streak. West Ham are good for one red card. Giroud to come on and get a goal. Finally. Arsenal, 3-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Southampton v Fulham</span> - Berba is still out due to garlic exposure. Petric picked up a knock. Kieron Richardson returns to fuck everything up in the Fulham midfield. The match is at St. Mary's. What's all of this add up to? Upset.<br />
<br />
Predictions: Rickie Lambert gets in the goals and Fulham offer little going forward. Southampton, 2-0.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Liverpool v Stoke City</span> - Could Liverpool possibly play another great match and get nothing from it? If this was being played at Stoke, I'd say, "Yes. Absolutely." I tend to think though that last week's destruction of Norwich will be enough of a confidence boost to see the Reds through on Sunday. My one caveat to this is that Charlie Adam will come out like a man possessed in an effort to extend a snarling middle finger to the club and the fans who deemed him surplus to requirements.<br />
<br />
Predictions: Adam scores. Stoke do what Stoke do and make life exceedingly difficult for Liverpool, but their physical play results in Luis Suarez finally getting a call in the box. Draw, 2-2.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Tottenham v Aston Villa</span> - Adebayor is back for Spurs and AVB has a lot to build on following the win at United last week. I hate to say it because I'm still no AVB fan, but Spurs really do look like they're starting to come together somewhat. A match at home against a nothing special Villa side is definitely an opportunity to consolidate Spurs' recent good form.<br />
<br />
Predictions: AVB's beard at one day's growth. Spurs cruise. 2-0.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Newcastle United v Manchester United</span> - Demba Ba is <i>still</i> a house on fire. United are a house without a foundation, although they offer enough going forward that they should get in the goals.<br />
<br />
Predictions: 3-3 barn burner.<br />
<br />
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-76318340649546804992012-09-28T11:56:00.000-04:002012-10-05T14:10:28.066-04:00The Insanity Is Back! Wenger as Colonel Kurtz! Rodgers Is Fidel! QPR And West Ham As Bedroom Furniture! Premier League PredictionsLast week I reined in my insane Premier League predictions and went with a more rational, measured approach, and I did quite well if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, the population of professional and amateur hacks out there making predictions is pretty much enormous and unless I got my hands on Biff Tannen's future sports almanac and called every match score, scorer, card, and substitution the interwebs would largely ignore me. And even if they didn't, I'd probably only garner a digital raised eyebrow from Eric Wynalda's Twitter account (He hands those out pretty freely).<br />
<br />
So I say, "Bring back the insanity!"<br />
<br />
I've got a goblet of absinthe, a divining stick, and a Magic 8 Ball with me right now and I'm here to tell you exactly what will happen in the Premier League this weekend. Call your bookie. Manage your fantasy team. Katy bar the door.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Arsenal v Chelsea</span> - Lots of ins. Lots of outs. New shit has come to light, man. Arsenal are coming off an encouraging draw against Man City (which I called...just saying), but they're still stuck with Vito "He Sleeps With The Fishes" Mannone in goal. Chelsea sit top of the table and drubbed the bejesus out of Wolves midweek in the Capital One Cup, but then there's all of that extra hullabaloo with John Terry The Courageous Racist. I'm utterly unconvinced by Chelsea so far this season and it seems like such an Arsenal thing to get rid of your best player, not replace him, not address any pressing team needs, lose your starting goalkeeper, and then suddenly wind up in contention for the league title. At this point in his career, I see Arsene Wenger as a sort of football<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOELJwjcHELarmZRTOhocViadduvPP300uDp_1Cikoa4I8YRAKfcf0y70Afb2Ezm6BDnqOjwYt5EEjDIqosmzs1mGvQw4IeC-70QXrEpVuLLZ1FhIdpvwk_bCa7KaIrbFmVBnW3kWn07I/s1600/brando.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOELJwjcHELarmZRTOhocViadduvPP300uDp_1Cikoa4I8YRAKfcf0y70Afb2Ezm6BDnqOjwYt5EEjDIqosmzs1mGvQw4IeC-70QXrEpVuLLZ1FhIdpvwk_bCa7KaIrbFmVBnW3kWn07I/s320/brando.jpg" width="209" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Giroud, Giroud. This is my nightmare. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Colonel Kurtz and like maybe chopping off all of those heads and talking about snails on straight razors will eventually luck him back into a Premier League title. The horror...the horror.<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Gervinho's headband falls off and we finally all learn that his hair was actually a black mop head attached with a rubber band. John Terry and the word "courageous" are used in the same sentence by the broadcasters at least four times. Ashley Cole is not the most booed man on the pitch. Torres is in fact not back. Arsenal win, 2-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Fulham v Manchester City</span> - Dimitar Berbatov is out for this match after picking up an injury in training, although I suspect the Fulham nutritionist accidentally added some garlic to Berba's post training meal and part of his face turned to ash and fell off. He's recovering in his coffin at the moment and will awake in two weeks time to again rule the night and bathe in the blood of young virgins. For now, Fulham seem well and truly fucked playing against the defending league champions...or do they? City can't keep the ball out of the net and Craven Cottage is a notoriously difficult place to take points. A loss for the Sky Blues on the banks of the Thames would be one step closer to the wheels falling off for City and Mancini actually starting a slapping fight on the sideline with Martin Jol and/or the fourth official. Sadly, I just don't see it happening, although I suspect City will experience more difficulty than they probably should.
<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Petric returns and gets on the score sheet. Mancini wears Prada Infusion and smells delicious. Balotelli and/or Tevez come on as subs, get a goal, and do something Balotelli and/or Tevez to celebrate...maybe point at an imaginary watch or something. City win, 3-1.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vCA2Cb_pxBjh99dv4zaiDAZCS5ZlspWyU6pIoexvko9sGKjbhZCiQ32vPVTg_rI5sEncsdlW1sfU18TYBPuSx_5xydY2auOyfrQTcJ85RwkhNMVO5jodLphPLsSXWdW2BR9v1suLnIA/s1600/fidel-castro-sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vCA2Cb_pxBjh99dv4zaiDAZCS5ZlspWyU6pIoexvko9sGKjbhZCiQ32vPVTg_rI5sEncsdlW1sfU18TYBPuSx_5xydY2auOyfrQTcJ85RwkhNMVO5jodLphPLsSXWdW2BR9v1suLnIA/s320/fidel-castro-sm.jpg" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I smoke Canaries for desayuno!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Norwich v Liverpool</span> - Liverpool have to win this, don't they? Borini is out and no one knows who is going to play at left back with both Enrique and Kelly crocked. Shelvey is suspended. The Rodgers Revolution is looking pretty threadbare. In historical context, if The Rodgers Revolution was the Cuban Revolution, this would be the moment where the <i>Granma</i> has wrecked in a Mangrove swamp, Batista's men have killed or captured many of the revolutionaries, and Che and Fidel have high tailed it to the Sierra Maestra to regroup and figure out what to do next. Rodgers' Reds (see what I did there?) are in an equally desperate situation and a dismantling of Norwich, whose <br />
Hughton Revolution is more of a Hughton Sit In, would win them the support of the locals and establish a guerrilla vanguard which could; as a mobile, agile, attacking unit; harass and harry the ruling might of the Big Clubs and bring about a regime change. Revolucion!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Too much?<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Suarez pauses at least once during the match to contemplate getting his overbite fixed. Sterling has a monster of a match and rakes in fantasy points for his delirious owners. Norwich wonders why Liverpool finally woke up against them. Liverpool, 2-0.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Stoke v Swansea</span> - I'm not entirely sure what to say about this one. A quick, possession oriented, attacking team takes on a physical, foul oriented, scrappy team. Swans are coming off some disappointing results and got absolutely housed by Everton last weekend. Stoke are coming off negative, but encouraging results against two of the best teams in the league and they're at home. I think the Potters kick Swansea up and down the field in this one.<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Crouch gets on the score sheet. Little Mickey Owen comes on, gets an assist, and hurts himself in the celebration. One red card in this match. Geoff Cameron plays at least one new position for the Potters. I think goalkeeper, forward, and winger are all that's left. Stoke win, 2-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Sunderland v Wigan</span> - Roberto Martinez, the love of my life (Call me, Bobby!), is without Antolin Alcaraz and Franco Di Santo for this trip to the Stadium of Light. I read somewhere that Mauro Boselli is in contention to start after scoring two against West Ham in cup competition and that Roberto announced all Wigan starting berths were open for competition. I was encouraged by this and phoned the Wigan front office to see if I could come over on trial, but I haven't heard anything back yet. Seriously though, it's only a matter of time. I'm off to the gym later on just in case.
In Sunderland news, is it just me, or are they, you know, pretty freakin' good? Lee Cattermole is serving a suspension - of course he is - and there are a couple of guys with little, niggling injuries, but I don't expect that to be any big deal if the most threatening attacking player in a blue jersey is Mauro Boselli.<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Martin O'Neill leaves his rugby jersey at home and has to wear a track top. This causes him serious discomfort throughout the match and his increased irritability leads to a sending off. Steven Fletcher bags a hat trick and continues to stake his claim that he is, in fact, worth 14 million pounds. Roberto Martinez further enhances his reputation as the nicest guy in the Premier League by bringing the referees tea at halftime. Sunderland win, 4-1.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Reading v Newcastle</span> - Demba Ba is still a house on fire. Reading are a meatloaf you left in the freezer last October that you've just now uncovered. Also, Yohan Cabeye may miss out due to a mouth infection. A Mouth infection?! Yohan, you dirty dog!<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Alan Pardew lets his assistants manage the whole match. When they ask him what to do, he just chuckles and says, "Eight year contract, bitches!" Pavel Pogrebnyak wins a penalty, steps up to take it, points at Harper, and then says, "I will crush you." He misses, but all of his teammates call him Drago anyhow. Demba Ba brace, but the match still ends in a draw. 2-2.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Everton v Southampton</span> - Is there any reason to expect Everton won't continue playing beautiful football against one of the weakest sides in the league at Goodison Park? Personally, I don't think so. Rickie Lambert is only one man.<br />
<br />
<u>Predictions</u>: Everton roll. Not much insane to say here...other than the score line! 6-1. Gotta pour one out for Lambert.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Manchester United v Tottenham</span> - This is where AVB proves once and for all that he is absolutely good enough for sixth. I want this to be a classic match between two of the class teams in the league, but I think this will be the match in which Spurs fans finally utter what they've been thinking all along: "What the fuck is AVB doing?"
I had a coach in college who would give rambling, non-sensical team talks. Typically, you want to share three or four points with your players at halftime so as not to confuse them. He would usually average between twelve and fifteen and start half of them with, "As my good friend Sir Alex Ferguson would say..." As far as we could tell, he had a buddy send him a book he got signed by Sir, but that's about it. Once we got on the pitch, one of the captains would usually say something like, "Forget all that shit and do this instead." We won a lot of matches that way and I don't think the coach ever even noticed, such was his ineptitude. Mercifully, he got fired when I was a junior because he told some female student she had wonderful tits.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is, here's to hoping AVB tells some Spurs exec she has wonderful tits.
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<u>Predictions</u>: Spurs look tentative and confused. United takes the space they're given and never look like losing at Old Trafford. Friedel lets in a few, but they're not really his fault. Minimum four shots of Lloris looking upset and French on the bench. AVB's beard at one day's growth. Dempsey to get a goal after the game is decided. United win, 3-1.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Aston Villa v West Brom</span> - This has to be a draw, doesn't it? Are there two teams in the league more difficult to wrap your mind around than Villa and West Brom? You thik they should lose, they win. You think they should win, they get ridden hard and hung up wet. I'm at a loss and can't muster much excitement for this match...which is why it'll be a back and forth barn burner.<br />
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<u>Predictions</u>: This match will have everything. Cards. Drama. Goals. Women weeping. Grandstand finish. Who'd have thunk, right? Insanity. Draw, 3-3.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">QPR v West Ham</span> - This is the only match less tantalizing than Aston Villa v West Brom. It's like <i>Let's Make A Deal</i> and behind door number one was a washer/dryer set and you decided to go for door number two (Was that <i>Let's Make A Deal?</i>) hoping for a bitchin' Camaro and instead you got a couple of dressers. QPR and West Ham are a couple of dressers. And I'm not talking Ethan Allen dressers but Value City dressers. QPR and West Ham are Value City dressers. Having said that, if I'm in Value City and I have to buy a Value City dresser, I'm buying West Ham. QPR are without most of their defenders and blue and white stripes look tacky in the bedroom.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_EslkG6K9wFJyva9Oy35B1bJctMN-obLY2olR14wu2LLcabXvbB2cp3CJSue8kHOoctdpmhUoyuPvQcWfx4CG3bnK-YJASJSmtz3EdkJe3Hy2Ia6jfmb8Y7mMiBU2rNu-zv6yBrRrVqw/s1600/dressers-736504.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_EslkG6K9wFJyva9Oy35B1bJctMN-obLY2olR14wu2LLcabXvbB2cp3CJSue8kHOoctdpmhUoyuPvQcWfx4CG3bnK-YJASJSmtz3EdkJe3Hy2Ia6jfmb8Y7mMiBU2rNu-zv6yBrRrVqw/s320/dressers-736504.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is how they'll line up. </td></tr>
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<u>Predictions</u>: West Ham, 2-0. Insanity.
Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1832948542691278796.post-769541424687613102012-09-21T19:50:00.000-04:002012-10-05T14:11:05.593-04:00Rational Predictions For This Weekend's Premier League Fixtures or Lesson LearnedLast week I said some insane shit. That Dimitar Berbatov may be a vampire - or Daywalker, more accurately - was not one of them. Still, I was pretty close to making some dead on calls and I stand by much of the not-so-insane analysis from many of the other matches. What I won't do again is pick Wigan at Old Trafford no matter how much I love Roberto Martinez. Call me, Roberto!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMi0KVT4tEAbsKKTnvRsaSc0dNJTGJL37iH9W52K6TCYJA22q2V57Hq2_AGBb5scPXjJ26cG2VPr0luNb6FfY5MthjNRe1D4VqFH3Brc3eUrjD91dqCEs3lKOXLL3-WUcYz6d8uCtCVuc/s1600/berb460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMi0KVT4tEAbsKKTnvRsaSc0dNJTGJL37iH9W52K6TCYJA22q2V57Hq2_AGBb5scPXjJ26cG2VPr0luNb6FfY5MthjNRe1D4VqFH3Brc3eUrjD91dqCEs3lKOXLL3-WUcYz6d8uCtCVuc/s400/berb460.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm too sexy for Wigan</td></tr>
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On to this week's fixtures!</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Southampton v Aston Villa</span> - Christian Benteke and Rickie Lambert in a striker's dual. Not that either will get bags of goals, but whoever is sharper on the day will win this one for his club. Southampton 2-1. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Chelsea v Stoke</span> - Stoke gave City a run for their bags and bags and bags of money last weekend so they shouldn't sneak up on Chelsea this weekend. On the other hand, Chelsea was in midweek Champion's League action and you never quite know how that's going to affect a team. Plus, they drew with QPR last weekend and that's a little bit like not scoring with a hooker. I'm trying not to over think this one but I want to. Let's go 2-0 Chelsea at The Bridge.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Wigan v Fulham</span> - This is a trap game for Fulham. Everyone loves Dimitar and show zero inclination to chase him to his castle with torches and pitchforks and drive a wooden stake through his undead heart. Wigan just got thrashed by a less-than-classic United side. This is where Wigan pulls a Wigan and runs out 3-1 winners at home...Wait, what's happening to me?! I can't help it! [<i>Head spins around and spews vomit</i>] Aghhhhhhh!!!! I must have ONE insane prediction!! Fulham shake their road woes and trounce Wigan 5-1. Berbatov gets a hat trick. Martin Jol eats a crepe on the sideline. Roberto Martinez calls Owen Hargreaves after the match. </div>
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Phew! I'm back. Sorry about that...</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">West Brom v Reading</span> - All I can say about this match is, "Meh." 0-0</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">West Ham v Sunderland</span> - I hate to say it, but so far Steven Fletcher looks to be worth 14 million pounds. Who'd have thunk? If he has shaken off the knock he took in last week's match against Liverpool I look for Sunderland to outclass West Ham in a scrappy affair. 1-0 Sunderland. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Liverpool v Manchester United</span> - Everyone is expecting Suarez and Evra Handshakegate II. If you watched last week's United match, you won't be surprised if Evra doesn't even get the chance to retaliate for Suarez's handshake snub. Buttner looked class. As for the Hillsborough/Munich Air Disaster chants, there will probably be a minority of pint pickled fans who do or say something stupid; we'll here about it on Monday; and that will be the talking point. During the match, no one, especially those watching on TV, will have any idea anyone has done anything other than support his club.</div>
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If I'm a betting man, and I'm not, I don't think there's any way Liverpool go down like a bunch of Young Boys against United at Anfield in such an emotionally charged match. A win here could save Brendan Rodgers' early season blushes. I call 'Pool 2-1. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Newcastle v Norwich City</span> - Demba Ba is a house on fire. Norwich City is a leftover turkey breast. Newcastle 3-0. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Tottenham v QPR</span> - I'm still unconvinced by Spurs and I remain even more so now that Lloris, Friedel, and Barthez are in a three way lovers' quarrel. Did Lloris not think to ask, "Hey, you've got three keepers on the roster already. Where, exactly, do I fit in," before he signed on the dotted line? Is he so French that he just assumed he'd slide right in to the first team? I want to start a "USA" chant right now and slow clap Brad Friedel while I watch reruns of the 2002 World Cup and listen to Lynryd Skynryd. </div>
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I think this match winds up much like Tottenham's last match, a misleading score line in an uninspired victory against weaker opponents. Deuce Face to make an appearance (and score a goal). AVB with two days' fashion stubble. Gareth Bale is teased by his teammates to come up with something other than that ridiculous heart symbol should he score a goal. 2-0 Spurs. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Manchester City v Arsenal</span> - Tasty match, this. Is Arsenal as good as their record? Can City keep a clean sheet? How will the Real Madrid loss have affected the Sky Blues? I can't see this being a low scoring affair...which is probably why it will be. 1-1, honors even.</div>
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Panchohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09958581809193578202noreply@blogger.com0