Friday, October 5, 2012

Great Moments In US Men's National Team History

You're welcome.

Premier League Predictions or I Mailed This One In, Kisses

Is it Week 7 already? Indeed it is. Time to take stock.

Excluding my insane predictions from Week 4, I'm something like 15-5 in predicting the proper result in the last two weeks and, when I've been bold enough to predict a scorer, I'm 9 for 9. I don't want to toot my own horn, but...

Toot. Toot.

Here's what will happen this week:

Manchester City v Sunderland - City have an issue keeping the ball out of the back of the net. How this is possible with the obscene amounts of cash Sheik Mansoor has shoveled into the pockets of Man City players is beyond me. Without Joe Hart's continuing heroics in the City goal, the problem could be much, much worse than it already is. Sunderland are actually a decent footballing side and haven't been beaten yet this season. Seriously. Sunderland haven't been beaten yet. In addition, Steven Fletcher appears to be worth every one of the GBP 14 million Martin O'Neill spent on him this summer, and can't stop scoring at the moment. Something has to give, right?

Predictions: Mancini sticks with Prada Infusion and continues to be the best smelling man on the touchline. City do get scored on, probably by Fletcher, but wind up winning in somewhat comfortable fashion at home. 3-1.

Chelsea v Norwich City - Could someone please put a sock in both John Terry and Ashley Cole? And by "someone" I mean Roberto Di Matteo. Just when all of the drama seemed to be done and dusted, Ashley Cole took to Twitter this morning to call the FA a "bunch of twats." He then forwent any sort of explanation and just said "sorry." You say sorry when you fart in an elevator. You do not say sorry when you're already a significantly disliked douchebag and you do something inane and immature like take to twitter to draw even more unwanted attention to your already hyper-analyzed club. The big winner here is Leighton Baines. For me, he's a much better option at left back in the England set up but he's been somewhat frozen out by Ashley Cole. If he doesn't get a legitimate shot at replacing the second most hated man in the league after this there's no hope for England.

Predictions: Torres gets a brace. Terry and Cole are booed mercilessly. Norwich continue to stake their claim as relegation frontrunners. Chelsea, 3-0.

Swansea City v Reading - The Swans must be ecstatic that they have a chance to get back on track against a pretty underwhelming Reading side after they've gone off the boil in recent weeks. Reading did get an impressive draw last week against Newcastle (I called that), but I think they comeback down to earth here.

Predictions: Michu reminds us all that he's still in the league with a great performance. Pogrebnyak gets a consolation goal. Swans, 2-1.

WBA v QPR - In the battle of acronym clubs, WBA pushes Mark Hughes even further onto the hot seat. I think the Baggies roll here and heap the misery on Hughes' expensively assembled pensioners.

Predictions: Minimum six shots of Hughes looking stoic and adrift on the touchline. Adel Taarabt comes on in the 75th minute to go all street ball in the middle of the park to little effect. West Brom, 2-0.

Wigan v Everton - Poor Wigan. I say that, but this is a trap match for Everton. The Toffees have played so well this season but are always prone to a slip up against a team they have no business losing to. Unfortunately for my man crush, Roberto Martinez, I don't see this as that match.

Predictions: Mirallas gets in the goals and that combination of Pienaar and Baines down the left flank proves way too much to handle. Everton, 4-0.

West Ham v Arsenal - This is a great chance for Olivier Giroud to finally break his duck for Arsenal. So far this season, he's managed to just look really, really, ridiculously good looking without producing much between the touchlines. Can he come on with about 20 left and get in the goals?

Predictions: Gervinho continues his impressive streak. West Ham are good for one red card. Giroud to come on and get a goal. Finally. Arsenal, 3-1.

Southampton v Fulham - Berba is still out due to garlic exposure. Petric picked up a knock. Kieron Richardson returns to fuck everything up in the Fulham midfield. The match is at St. Mary's. What's all of this add up to? Upset.

Predictions: Rickie Lambert gets in the goals and Fulham offer little going forward. Southampton, 2-0.

Liverpool v Stoke City - Could Liverpool possibly play another great match and get nothing from it? If this was being played at Stoke, I'd say, "Yes. Absolutely." I tend to think though that last week's destruction of Norwich will be enough of a confidence boost to see the Reds through on Sunday. My one caveat to this is that Charlie Adam will come out like a man possessed in an effort to extend a snarling middle finger to the club and the fans who deemed him surplus to requirements.

Predictions: Adam scores. Stoke do what Stoke do and make life exceedingly difficult for Liverpool, but their physical play results in Luis Suarez finally getting a call in the box. Draw, 2-2.

Tottenham v Aston Villa - Adebayor is back for Spurs and AVB has a lot to build on following the win at United last week. I hate to say it because I'm still no AVB fan, but Spurs really do look like they're starting to come together somewhat. A match at home against a nothing special Villa side is definitely an opportunity to consolidate Spurs' recent good form.

Predictions: AVB's beard at one day's growth. Spurs cruise. 2-0.

Newcastle United v Manchester United - Demba Ba is still a house on fire. United are a house without a foundation, although they offer enough going forward that they should get in the goals.

Predictions: 3-3 barn burner.